inside my head

feeling stressed

well carls wanting to move in to his dads house. i dont want that at all. i love going to the river where it actually feels like home to me. where i can snuggle into bed with him at night and wake up being hugged.

i like seeing him the whole weekend. what am i suppose to do now that all our plans are ruined?

we fought hard last night. i know its more economical for him to live with his dad. but i dont want him to. he said hed go back to the river for me but hes so stressed about money.

his college goes on summer break soon though. maybe he could just live there in the week and spend weekends with me at the river...

and then live there in the summer?

maybe...

everythings ruined.

i know im being selfish, but that was the only thing that gave me strength to keep pushing on was the thought of friday and with my special person for at least two days.

ill have to talk to him about it.

he said he took it back. im irreplaceable. i know he just said it so id stop crying though.

he said statistically everyone's replaceable. i wish his brain wasnt so emotion free but i guess i cant help his mental things anymore than i can help mine. i just wish it would all turn out alright.

on top of this all i dont know about college anymore. i was hoping and hoping to live in a dorm but mom said she doubts i can afford it and all my other options are gone now too.

everything fell apart at once.