inside my head

that stomach acidy feel

Well last night helped a lot on the calm down factor. after the horrible dream i had about carl though i dont quite know how i feel. I miss his sweetness. He tells me im to clingy and i could understand that. I dont text more than i used to but when i freak out i tend to call a lot. no matter what hes doing. then freak out harder if he doensn't answer. I could see how that would be annoying.

i told him if we got to see each other a lot then i wouldn't cling so hard. he said he thinks that would make it worse but i know that id eventually get used to him being around and wouldn't spider monkey so hard cause id have stuff id want to do like tv, play with the kittens, go fist, play Mario, sew, color, or even just sit on the couch next to rilla and stare into space.

Im hoping he doesn't just give up on me and leave. God im hungry. and nervous, and unhappy. im starting to taste stomach acid in my mouth. it doesn't help that ive been learning about stomach acid for the last 45 minutes.

so far so good today thought i guess. besides a bad dream and a weirdly starving horrible stomach i have good hopes for today. tomorrow carl goes to a concert and i will miss him a lot. Mina says she might be free to hang out so i might not be alone now. Hopefully i wont be.

some funny things happened at lunch that i have decided to share with you. despite how horrible im feeling after five days of no medicine and withdrawal plus gold is once again yapping on about stuff, today its printers... that i still have some good things in my life. they are as follows.

a friend of mine, we shall call him coyote for a private joke, looked at minas muffin and decided to say " what is that?"

mina said " a blue berry muffin"

he said " it looks like a scab ripped off of a dragon!"

it did.

mina then replied " hmm. it taste bad to like a fork thats gone bad." we just looked at her. " you know like a fork that sits in the drawer to long and then taste bad?"

i got it but coyote was like what?

then a little later as this random girl walked by (coyote said the boys call her a whore but shes in my English class and seems real nice) that she had a big chin. her exact words were. " oh my god that chin could poke someones eyes out!"

i turned around and looked and she did look like the guy off the late show.

i said " well hello witchypoo!" meaning the wicked witch off of hnr puff n stuff.

she said " David hasslehoff should be jealous"

i understand this sounds very mean but we both have the horrible habit of saying things that pop into our head to each other. unfortunately my mom had me watch pinochle before Bambi so i learned dont lie befor the if you cant say something nice dont say anything at all rule.

after that i think karma got back at me a bit cause i went to the vending machine and punched in dragon fruit and ended up getting an apple pear water. karma must have laughed a little though because it tastes pretty good.

I remember my conversation with carl last night when i was telling him about the gold power drill fiasco. he told me its ok to say shut up when someone is talking to me about things i dont care about and making me uncomfortable. he said if i dont like all those people crowding in on me i should just tell them to leave me alone instead of being "polite".

what carl does not understand however is that i am not polite at all, i am in fact an invert. i dont like saying whats on my mind because i am afraid it would back lash and as you guys read this im sure you would understand why.

im pretty sure you would consider punching me in the face before giving me a hug if i said any of this to you. and i am also sure that i would rather punch your face then accept a hug. its not your fault your rather nice but i do not like hugs unless you are carl.. sometimes i whack him for it too.

its starting to feel like i am being closed in on again and i bet today at work that i will be very ticked off. the other assistant, lets call her Bernice, is very annoying. Sometimes i would love to yell SHUT UP BERNICE!

of course i cant do this even if carl says it is ok because i think i would get fired and even though my job is not the best it is a job and i like have money of my own.

finally off work and feeling pretty bad at the moments physically, emotionally i think im pretty good. i miss carl but oh well. i shouldn't cling so much. im getting better at forcing my feelings into something else. this is helping so much. 

i feel good emotionally for a nother reason too. the shirt i made six years ago for my first valentines day with carl fits again. :) even bloated like a whale it doesnt look to bad. proud moment for me :D

well keep your chins up peeps.