GUARD | Billie Eilish

lift off

"you got everything?" my mother asked

"yes" i rolled my eyes dragging my luggage behind me

it was 4:30am, so yes, i'm moody. who wouldn't be?

"c'mon then" finneas smiled

how the fuck does he have energy?

so there i was being almost thrown into the back of a car with a bunch of bags with little space left even for my petite self.

i found myself staring out of the window into the night sky, it would've been nicer with stars but we live in fucking la.

my dad decided to not have any music on as we drove. everyone always talks about how nice it is to drive alone listening to music with the darkness above you, bound to fall at any given moment. but no one talks about how it feels to be in that moment but with no music. you get thrown into your thoughts more easily and it all hits you harder. no distractions, just silence. a loud silence. i find it some how relieving especially when the window is slightly rolled down to create the whooshing sound of the wind that the car is trying it's best to break through. time goes quicker like this.

so there i found myself inside yet another airport. i have to remind myself that this is an airport, not a meet and greet. how do you try hide your identity without seeming suspicious? black hoodie with the hood up, black joggers and some blackout glasses. wouldn't you seem scared if you saw that in an airport? it is what it is i guess, i mean, it's my life now. i love my fans i really do but when everyone's rushing to get on an aeroplane at 5am i really need my space and privacy.

surprisingly everything went well considering how risky an airport is for any celebrity really.

"who wants something to eat?" my mum said causing everyone to agree

i wasn't really hungry and ended up getting an apple and raspberry smoothie whilst everyone else had their coffees. apart from finneas.

"a tea?" i laughed to finneas "what are you british"

"rude" he rolled his eyes "and for your information we are about to be in britain" he teased

"stop bickering our flight is boarding" dad hurried us

people love the feeling of walking down the bridge that connects to the aeroplane itself. but i don't. i used to, trust me on that. but not anymore. i guess i'm just so used to walking down it moving country to country, tour to tour, that it just doesn't have the same effect as it used to. but don't get me wrong, i am so thankful that i am even able to always go to new countries, but it is my job. you have to remember that.

10 hours and 15 minutes to go.