GUARD | Billie Eilish

no one knows

Fear. A basic human emotion. Everyone has at least one fear, no matter how strong or how cold or even how happy you are, there is always something that you will be afraid of. Mine is the fear of loosing a loved one, in any sort of way. Maybe that's what I find it so hard to want to get close to someone new, yet here I find myself wanting two people at the same time. How does that make any sense?

"well done" I smiled hugging Robyn as she had finished dancing

"i couldn't of done it without you" she stated before i found her lips on mine

I was shocked but allowed her to kiss me before pulling away before anyone could've seen what we were doing together

"what was that for" i asked blushing

"i like your lips" she whispered hugging me once again

I said I wanted romance, but now i'm getting a lot, not from one, but from fuckin two individuals. I'm fucked up, i'm fucking up, not knowing who's going end up taking my heart. I should've ran away from them both but there's something about doing something so wrong that it feels so good. I can't make a scene, because when they find out I'll destroy the friendship that they both had.

"how was Robyn's performance" Jake asked when we entered the home

"amazing. it was amazing" i smiled

"i'm glad she's dancing again" he smiled "she's an amazing dancer, one of the best i've ever seen and no i'm not only saying that because she's my best friend"

"shut up" robyn playfully hit him "we need to go jake"

"what why?" i asked

"oh, me and jake have a meeting with our boss, just a sort of check up to over go any rules or placements that we have with protecting you and finneas"

And just like that there were gone. Leaving me, finneas, and my parents in the house.

You know what I haven't realised since I've been here? There's a hot tub.

I got straight into a bikini and blasted the jets in the jacuzzi. Grabbing my speaker I played some bryson tiller and got inside of the water allowing myself to have a moment to myself and relax for once. The sunset had just began and the sky was slowly creeping with colours of pinks and purples. Beautiful.

"mind if I join?" finneas asked

"and I thought I could get a moment to myself" i sighed

"i can leave"

"no no stay, your never not but my side anyways" i chuckled

"so what's happening with you, robyn and jake" he narrowed his eyebrow

"ugh" i groaned "i don't even know, i went on a date with jake yet i'm having sex with robyn"

"sounds like a sticky one, whatever is happening don't let yourself lead any of them on, if you figure out what or who you want let them know no matter if it hurts them because if they find out from one another.. that's a whole other type of hurt that you can cause"

He's right