I Heard Your Voice In A Dream

Chapter 13

“She’s going to hurt you.”

“Stop it.” Camila snapped, sighing as she threw her sketchbook on the coffee table. “She’s not doing anything. If anything, you keep bringing her up and pointing out her flaws. We all have them Ariana, and I’m learning to accept hers.”

Ariana crossed her arms. “Girls like her—“she began again.

“Want to be loved too.” Camila finished, rubbing her temple. “I’m fully aware of the baggage Lauren comes with, and I’m willing to carry it. I love her, Ariana. It’s going to be hard and some days won’t be the best with her, and that’s okay. I’ll cherish those alongside the good days too. Because that, is love.” She proclaimed. “I’m taking the good days and the bad days and everything else in between on my back and reminding Lauren that I don’t mind the weight. “She frowned, crossing her arms. “Why do you constantly keep reminding me that Lauren is no good for me? We’ve been together for over a month now and all you do is be this pessimistic person instead of being happy for me.”

The other girl exhaled. “Lauren has other stuff going on in her life. Do you really think she can balance a relationship too? You’re going to be carrying all the weight Camila and you say you don’t mind now…but what about later? What about when it becomes overwhelming being the only one putting an effort? Lauren doesn’t know what she wants right now.” Girls like Lauren always kept their walls up. Even when they have some cracks, they still manage to keep their walls sturdy. They’d never truly let someone in.

Camila stared at her. “I do know what she wants.” She said quietly. “She wants to see. And not in the way you think.”

“Lauren doesn’t know how to express love, Camila.” Ariana continued. “She can barely love herself, what makes you think she’s capable of loving another person?”

Camila tried not to let what Ariana was telling her seep into her mind and make her question her new relationship with Lauren. “She will.” She argued weakly.

“She will…or do you hope she will?” Ariana questioned. “I’m trying to protect you from getting hurt.” She said softly. “You deserve to be with someone who can properly express her feelings and show you how much she loves you.”

Camila scoffed. “Someone like who? You?”  She crossed her arms. “We never even had something, Ariana. You never let it become something. And that’s fine, I’m over it. But you won’t let it go.” She accused. “You had your chance, and you didn’t take it. I’m with Lauren now, and I’m happy. You may not think she can love me, but I know she can. She won’t show it the way other people do, but I know she’s going to love me.”

Camila picked up her sketchbook and put on her scarf and jacket, the November chill becoming increasingly colder.

Ariana sighed. “Mila…” she trailed off. “Yes, I’m not over you. But I’m telling you this as a friend.” She tried. “How long are you going to wait for her to love you the way you want to be loved? Months? Years? You’re going to hate her when she doesn’t express her love for you like you want her to.” Ariana told her. “She can’t love you, Camila. She can’t love anyone.”

Camila glared at her, flaring her nostrils. “You know,” she began. “A lot of people have said that Lauren and I aren’t going to last. People say I’m only with her out of pity, or any other kind of bullshit reasons. They say I won’t be able to handle the pressure of being with a person who has a disability.” She zipped up her hoodie. “But I look at her, and she’s just Lauren. She’s the Lauren that calls me beautiful and tells me I have sweetened up her coffee or whatever. I make her smile. I make her laugh. And I make her happy. And she makes me feel the exact same way. People can say whatever they want, but I’m with Lauren for as long as she’ll have me.  And not you, or anyone is going to prevent me from being with her.” She finished before walking over to the door.