I Heard Your Voice In A Dream

Chapter 16

"You know, life can be the trickiest thing sometimes," Camila listened as Hailee spoke in another video, having watched a couple in the past couple weeks since she received the package. "Some people are the luckiest fuckers to roam the earth because they have no troubles financially, medically, socially, mentally, emotionally, romantically...they're just...lucky. And then others like me fall on the opposite side..." Hailee stared at the wall in deep thought. "It's like, no mater how hard I try Camila, I can't be happy. A-and I should, right? I'm fine in most aspects. I'm healthy...ish. Mentally, not really. But in all other medical areas, I'm perfectly healthy. My parents aren't the richest, but we're good. I don't have to worry about anything like that." Hailee paused. "I have you...and you're the most amazing person I've ever known. And I wish you were a stronger reason to my happiness. But you're not—nothing is." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I...I can't help being sad Mila...I can't explain why out of nowhere I'm miserable or why out of nowhere I'm not. It's like trying to explain why some people have diabetes. They just...do. And telling me to just stop being sad or to just start eating again or to stop cutting myself is like telling one of those people with diabetes to just stop having diabetes, you know? It's not something I can help."

But Camila could've helped her, she thought. She would've helped Hailee in anything she needed; she'd do anything for her best friend. Camila swallowed a sob rising to her throat, she'd cried enough these past few weeks.

The door knocked and Camila quickly paused the video and took out her headphones from her ears before her mother peeked her head in her room.  Camila smiled softly. "Hey mom, what's up?"

Sinu glanced at the laptop. "Are you still watching those videos?"

"Is that what you came in here for?"

"No, it's for something else..." Sinu sighed. "I'm worried about you mija..."

Camila looked at the screen. "What was that something else?"

Sinu frowned when Camila ignored her comment. "Lauren's mother called me. She said Lauren has another chemo session today if you were interested in going." She told her.

Camila immediately nodded. "Of course. What time?"

"Two o' clock." Sinu answered.

"I'll be there."

Sinu nodded slowly before glancing at her again. "You know Camila, you don't have to hide that all of this hurts...at least not to me. This is a lot to handle. With Hailee...and Lauren. It's okay if you need to take a breather, Lauren would understand."

Camila stared at her. "I'll be there." She repeated.

"Okay." Sinu whispered, not taking Camila's distant approach to heart. Her daughter would open up when she was ready. "Two o' clock." She repeated.

Camila nodded. "Okay, thank you." Sinu left and Camila pressed play on the video again, inserting he headphones in her ears.

"I don't know Camila, it's so difficult to understand everything—to understand ME. I wish things were easier. I wish I was one of the luckiest ones, you know? The ones that can easily find happiness and joy and everything I don't have. Those are the luckiest ones. The ones that can easily smile and easily speak their feelings and easily find a reason to keep going. They're the lucky ones because they remain intact despite all the reasons not to be. But me? I'm not the lucky one. But you? You're the lucky one." Hailee looked up and stared at the camera. "You've always been the lucky one with that. You're happy, and you smile so easily...you laugh and you love and you help and you understand and you're just...you're lucky."