I Heard Your Voice In A Dream

Chapter 9

“What is it like to have a panic attack?” Lauren asked suddenly as Ally drove over to Normani’s house to pick up the other three girls for their karaoke get-together.

Ally was applying a coat of lip gloss when they stopped at the red light. She turned to Lauren with a confused look. “I don’t know I’ve never had one before.” She replied. “Wait—are you okay?” she asked suddenly, looking at Lauren with an alarmed expression. “Does anything hurt? Do you feel like you’re going to pass out? Jauregui, don’t you dare pull any shit on me right now or so God help m—“

“I’m fine.” Lauren assured, fumbling with her cane. “I’m just…” the younger girl chewed on her bottom lip nervously.

The light turned green and Ally’s small foot hit the car pedal to start driving again. “Just what Laur?” she questioned, taking a quick glance at Lauren.

Lauren hesitated for a couple minutes, an awkward silence consuming them. Ally frowned, looking at Lauren with sad eyes and wishing her best friend could see her hurt expression. “You don’t trust me, do you?”

Just when she thought she and Lauren were getting somewhere, when they were finally beginning to rekindle their friendship…Lauren just out-of-nowhere shuts her out again. She really didn’t know why. At first, she didn’t think much of it because Lauren tended to shut out everyone and enclose a hard wall around her.

But now Ally was confused.

Camila suddenly comes in and Lauren’s sharing more with her and becoming closer with her than Ally ever could be with Lauren. Did it anger her? Yes, so much. Because while Camila was a nice girl, Ally’s been there for Lauren in more ways than Camila has. From Lauren getting diagnosed with cancer, to losing her eyesight, Ally was the only friend that ever stuck to Lauren’s side. And to this day, she still was there for her in any way Lauren let her—if she ever let her. She’s proven to be a worthy friend, heck, Lauren doesn’t know the things Ally has done for her—the things she has sacrificed to be a friend to Lauren. Ally can give a million things she’s done for Lauren, but Lauren will never appreciate or acknowledge a single one. And it hurt, because it made it seem like Ally was just another person to her when to Ally, Lauren was like a sister.

God she needed a drink now, she thought as she rubbed her forehead when Lauren didn’t answer her question.

Ally scoffed as they drove in silence. “That is indication enough to what I asked, thanks.” She mumbled, gripping onto the steering wheel.

Lauren didn’t say anything. She continued fumbling with her cane, feeling guilt for what she’s just done—what she’s been doing since the longest to Ally. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Ally, because heaven knows that Lauren trusted the smaller girl with her life, it was Lauren’s stubborn need to not dump her problems to people.  Being blind was already a big enough problem, why did she need to add more? She didn’t know why, but lately she’s felt like Ally had things going on that Lauren couldn’t help her with. She couldn’t pinpoint what the problem might be, but she couldn’t approach Ally about it. God she was such a bad friend.

And then there were her feelings for Camila. Lauren rubbed her forehead at the thought because the Miami native was all she could think about lately. It surprised her just how much of an effect Camila had on her, because she made it so easy for Lauren to open up to her. She had this presence about her that made it easy for Lauren to trust her. She hated the fact that Camila was slowly seeping into her perfectly kept walls but at the same time, she didn’t mind. Because since the longest, Lauren couldn’t recall a time she felt truly happy. And all Camila had to do was simply be there for Lauren to feel this overwhelming joy she hadn’t felt in so long.