everything's fucked// james cook

part 15: motherfucker

Cook walked me back to my house after my dad's phone call, and I spent the whole way back trying to sober up, and waiting for the admonishment I knew was going to come. 

Cook stopped outside my gate, and I smiled at him and said, "Well, thanks, Cook, see you tomorrow."

I turned away, and he pulled me back towards him.

"Uh uh, do it properly," he said gruffly.

I rolled my eyes jokingly, and said, "Whatever are you talking about?"

"I liked it, before," he said.

I was genuinely confused now. 

"What?" I said.

"Don't call me Cook," he said. "And that's not a proper goodbye."

I smiled.

He didn't like that, huh?

"Well, that's all you'll get," I said, and walked in my gate before he could stop me. I turned around at my door, seeing him watching me.

"Bye, James," I said, before opening my door and slipping in quietly, not waiting for his reaction. I stood with my back pressed against the door, smiling.

I heard him shout outside the door, and start to sing,  "I was born into a country, baptized to a religion..."

Oh my god. 

I love James Cook. 

My smile slipped from my face as I realized: he didn't love me back.

He couldn't, could he? He doesn't date, he only fucks. He only dated Effy. He's only loved her. He cares about me, though. Doesn't he? Or is it a game? How can I-

My train of thought is interrupted when I notice my dad sitting in the living room on the sofa, watching me. 

"Vivian, you're home," he said, taking a sip of whiskey from a glass, then placing it down on the table in front of him. 

"Dad," I said cautiously.

 He stood up and sighed.

"Vivian, where were you?" he asked.

"Just out with friends," I said, avoiding his gaze.

"Yes? Out drinking, and smoking, with boys?" he said.

"Yeah, so? Dad, literally?" I say. "You left me and Mum, and Bea, and now you waltz back in to my life, and you tell me what to do?" 

"You can't talk to me that way, young lady," he said.

"Since when? You've never been around for me to talk to! Fuck off, Dad," I said, and stomped up the stairs. 

He shouted up the stairs after me, "You're grounded! Only school, and then home."

I flipped him off, and went to my room and slammed the door.

Fuck him. He just has to be here to take care of Bea and Mum. I don't need him to take care of me.

The next morning I woke up and got ready for school, and I came downstairs to see Bea in a high chair, and Dad eating breakfast at the table. 

"Good morning," I said sullenly. 

"Good morning," he said, looking up at me. "Vivian, we need to talk. Why don't you have a seat."

I rolled my eyes and sat down, resting my arms on the table. 

"So, your mum is in the hospital, and after she gets better, I'm checking her into rehab," he said. 

I nodded silently.