IDENTITY | minsung

42

jisung was in a slump. he didn't feel like eating, he didn't have the appetite to really.

picking up the pair of chopsticks, he tried to grab himself a bite of rice and forced himself to eat. despite everything, he didn't want to worry chan, changbin or felix anymore than he already had. he was reminded of the times the three had shed buckets of tears because of him, and he didn't want to hurt them any further. he didn't want them to cry because of him.

he had barely had the energy to get up and do the bare minimum like showering, brushing his teeth or even changing his clothes, and he felt useless for not being able to do so.

"knock knock?" changbin pushed the door open, peeking into the brunette's room. jisung hummed, allowing changbin to enter.

"you feeling any better jisung?" he asked, having to correct himself when he almost called jisung by his nickname despite the younger's previous dislike for it. "i've been better," jisung laughed it off, and changbin frowned at this. "sung– sorry. jisung..."

"it's fine. i'm eating, are you happy now?" he pointed at his bowl of rice and other side dishes, giving the elder a faint smile that was half genuine.

"that's a start. i'm glad that you're feeling better," changbin paused, in deep thought, as if he had something to say but was hesitant about it. "what's wrong?" jisung asked, curious.

he brushed the thought off. "never mind, it's nothing. i'm guessing you wouldn't want me to try to persuade you about not quitting music right now, would you?" the younger shook his head.

"okay. eat up, i'll be outside if you need me alright?" bin spoke softly, patting the younger on the head. "okay."

changbin turned on his heel to leave the room, gently pulling the door close, not forgetting to leave a tiny gap in between.

he sighed, relieved that jisung was finally eating again, but also still worried about him.

"bin?" chan entered the dorms, holding his laptop in his left hand and a few fully filled paper bags in the other. "how's ji?" "he's okay, he's eating now."

"ah, i see." changbin eyed the laptop, raising a brow. "did you go to the practice room earlier on?" he questioned, concerned that the elder had been working himself too hard.

the aussie shook his head. "i just made some tracks while waiting for minho to fall asleep, he eventually let me into his dorms after you left," he sighed.

"oh. what are we gonna do about the two of them?" changbin sighed too, resting his head in his hands and ruffling his hair in frustration that he didn't know exactly how to help the two.

"minho misses ji. a lot actually. his dorm was a mess when i entered and there were cans of alcohol everywhere. he didn't consume anything but alcohol the past few days," chan stated. "but i don't know how to help him either."

"he what?"

the two turned around to see jisung peeking through the gap of his room's door, listening in onto their conversation.

"ji? sorry i– jisung?" the aussie paused. "do you wanna see minho?" chan suggested, but the younger was hesitant to say yes.

sure, he missed minho a lot too, but he didn't really want to see him right now. he still believed that minho only became friends with him because he was j.one and it hurt him to think about it.

because he had also attached himself to minho too quickly, to the point where he found it tough to be separated from him, but he didn't really have any other choice.

"n-not really..." jisung trailed off, his head still seemingly somewhere else. "it's fine then, we'll take care of min, promise."

the youngest hurried back into his room, throwing himself onto the bed and hiding under the covers. he blamed himself for whatever was happening to minho, he blamed himself for hurting everyone else.

why couldn't he just be happy and grateful and appreciative of his life? it'd make everyone else's lives much easier if he could do so.

but he couldn't. he didn't know how to.