forgotten│the maze runner

n i n e

  "Minho told me what happened earlier."

  "Of course he did, didn't he?" Suejin muttered in a half-sarcastic, half-absentminded sort of way. She was sitting with Newt near the entrance to the Deadheads. They were sitting close to some of the fields, where the Track-hoes worked peacefully. She swept her raven hair to the side, leaning her head against her palms. Her legs were drawn against her chest, almost as if she were holding it all in together. 

  Which she was. In a sense.

  "Are.. you.. okay?" Newt finally broke in, hesitantly.

  She sighed deeply. "Truthfully.... no."

  "What's going on?" Newt leaned back, arms resting gently against the ground. 

  "It's hard to explain...." she mumbled, pulling her knees closer to her chest. "Even I don't really understand myself either..."

  He stared up at her, some of the golden strands of his hair falling across his eyes. He gave her a crooked smile, but his dark eyes were solemn and thoughtful. "You know you can tell me anything."

  "I—" she began, fidgeting with her fingers. "I don't know what happened to me, Ben—" her throat constricted, and she paused for a moment, trying her best to regain control of her emotions. She wanted to cry again. For what? She asked herself angrily. 

  Why was it like someone else was inside of her, begging to make themselves known?

  "Ben," she tried again, forcing her face to remain calm. "Ben said that I did this to him."

  Newt sat up straighter, an incredulous look in his eyes. "He said what?"

  "I don't get it either..." She started, a frown creeping onto her lips. "But Newt," she said, her hands beginning to shake again. "I should've felt confused, I should've felt wronged—" she paused, her lower lip trembling.

  "But?" Newt asked softly.

  "I didn't." She choked out, rubbing her fingers furiously against each other. "It was like," she struggled to find the right words. "I knew, I knew that it was because of me, that it was really my fault that he was like that, all withered and bruised and—"

  She stopped. 

  Newt was holding her hands. He cupped her tremulous ones gently against his own.

  "Suejin," He murmured. "Take a deep breath."

  A deep blush rose in her cheeks. She inhaled slowly, and then exhaled. She did it again. And again. She kept staring into his chocolate eyes, breathing in and out, until the burning feeling in her chest slowly faded away.

  Slowly, the trembling came to a halt as well. He gingerly released her fingers. "You were saying?" He spoke gently, his voice like a soothing balm against her heart.

  "Newt," she started, worry swimming in her dark eyes. "There's something wrong with me."

  "There's nothing wrong with you, Suejin."

  "You don't understand," She said in a strained voice. "The dreams aren't stopping, and I'm sure that they're not just dreams. They're real, they're a part of who I used to be, who I am."

  Newt remained silent, his eyes calm and pensive. 

  "And there's something else that you don't know," she began nervously, unsure of how Newt might take it. 

  "Tell me."

  "I saw you, Newt. A few days ago." She bit her lower lip tensely. "—while I wasn't awake."