forgotten│the maze runner

t w e n t y - o n e

  Suejin breathed hard, refusing to believe what she thought might be the truth. "No, no, no—" She bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from screaming out loud. "This can't be true—"

It's true. I don't believe you remember what happened next? The voice came, which she now knew was Ava Paige.

Which, I'm afraid, she continued, I cannot give you the pleasure of seeing.

  "Show me." Suejin fumed. "I have a right to know."

Showing you will only cause more pain. You'd be grateful if you knew. I can promise you that.

  "You're lying," Suejin gritted her teeth. "I would never just sell out my friends like—"

Oh, but you did, Suejin. You, Thomas, and Teresa have been of tremendous help to us so far. Really, we owe you quite a lot.

"I would never," Suejin said shakily, feeling hot tears slide down her cheeks. "I could never just—"  She wanted to throw up. Knowing that she had a part in the horrifying maze was too much for her to bear. "Oh, god." She breathed, remembering the faces of Ben and countless others. How much innocent blood was stained on the palms of her hands?Too much, she thought despairingly.

  I know it's hard to understand now, came the voice in a much gentler tone. But, I promise you, this is for the greater good. Really, the entirety of the world is indebted to the trials and your—

  "Shut up." Suejin cut off, rage bubbling within her. "I—"

  Do not speak of things you do not understand. Ava seemed to have no patience for Suejin.

  Suddenly, Suejin thought of Minho. And the realization of what their relationship had been hit her again, but with more shocking intensity. "Minho," she exhaled in disbelief. But all the feelings were gone. It seemed, that any emotion associated with their past relationship was no longer attached to her anymore. It was like cold hard facts were imprinted on her brain, carrying no emotional attachments whatsoever.

  She and Minho had been in love before the Maze.

  Nothing more, nothing less.

  "Ava." She whispered to the voice in her mind. "Give it back."

  There was no response.

  "Please," she said in a much more pleading voice. "Don't I at least deserve to have that?"

  There was still no response. It seemed as if Ava had left, or was choosing to no longer speak to her.

  "Please," she said in a strained voice. "You can't just do that."

  The tears continued. Suejin felt like she was searching for something in her heart that wasn't there. No matter how much she tried to connect to the emotions again, it was like there was an endless wall, breaching her from her past.

  Why did I have to know? She thought miserably.

  Ignorance would've been bliss. It would've been better to not know the truth, that she was a traitor and deserved no less than to be thrown into the Maze itself. That she betrayed her friends in the cruelest sense and they were suffering, no, dying, for it.

  That she had been utterly in love with the person she could hardly stand to be around.

  She felt like she was punishing herself for things she couldn't remember. If only, she at least knew of what had happened, what drove her to do the things she could not believe she was ever capable of. She loved her friends in the Maze. Dearly, more than anything.