One Third

How will you know?

Jennie POV

I approached Kai after their practice ended, and I saw Rosie and Jisoo go up to Lisa. She looked at me and smiled.. I wanted to go over there.. hug her.. tell her I miss her. Instead I asked Kai if we could have dinner with them too. I hated feeling so close yet so far away from my Lili. 

"Hey babe, Jisoo asked if we were having dinner with Rosie and Lisa, are we?" I asked.. "I am a little tired baby. You could go with them if you want and we can just see each other tomorrow. I am sure Lisa wouldn't mind giving you a ride home.".. before I could respond he yelled over to Lisa.. "LIS, TAKE JENNIE WITH YOU GUYS HAVE FUN AND GET HER AND MY SISTER HOME SAFE!".

Lisa nodded, and gestured me over. "Hey Jennie, I am glad you can hang out with us tonight! Lets go eat, I promise to get you home safely, I don't want your boyfriend to kill me." she laughed. "I missed you guys, lets go!" was all I managed to say. 

In the car, Rosie sat in front while Lisa was driving, I was at the back seat with Jisoo. "So Jennie, where do you wanna go, lets go some place you want coz I am always with these two anyway." Rosie said as she looked back at me. "I am really fine with anywhere, I am just glad to be out with someone other than Kai." We all laughed. 

"I feel you though, its like I see Lisa's face before bed and when I wake up.. I am sick of it.. eck" Rosie joked, "Yaah! Fine babe, I wont show my face for 2 days." Lisa said.. "Why 2 days??" Jisoo asked, "Because I will miss her too much" Lisa grabbed Rosie's hand and kissed it. "Eck get a room you two!!" Jisoo responded.. "Later" Lisa winked and Rosie playfully hit her arm. 

Just then I couldn't breathe.. I wanted to jump out of the car.. I couldn't be there.. I was smiling on the outside but on the inside I just wanted to tell Lisa.. look at me again please.. hold MY hand, make jokes with ME... miss ME.. let it be ME.

I needed to shake these thoughts out of my head so I did something stupid that night.. I drank.. and drank.. and drank. 

*Hours later*

I felt like I was blacking out.. I felt sick to my stomach.. I was about to fall over.. when someone grabbed my arm. "Jen.. you drank too much.. Lets go home." Lisa said.. "Ni..nini.. Its Nini." was all I said.. afraid I might puke any minute now.. that's when I blacked out. 

Next thing I knew I woke up in my room and someone was covering me up.. looks like this person cleaned me up too.. I slowly opened my eyes.. it was Lisa.. she looked so tired.. "Lisa.. its okay.. you can go home.. thank you for bringing me home.. I am sorry if I was such a hassle tonight"..

She just sat in front of me and looked at me.. almost like she was studying me.. like she wanted to say something.. "What?" I asked.. "Jen do you remember anything you did or said tonight?" she asked.. oh crap.. did I say something dumb.. Jennie.. what did you do?

"No.. why?" I asked.. "Jennie... you have a boyfriend.. and I am with Rosie..".. now I was really curious.. "What.. I know.. what are you ta-" and just then she kissed me.. Lisa kissed me..

She pulled away.. "Be honest.. what did you feel when I kissed you..? Do you really love me that way, Jennie..?" she asked almost in tears..

Yes.. I do.. I love her. I love Lisa.. I want to be with Lisa. But this is so wrong.. Kai doesn't deserve this.. Rosie doesn't deserve this.. I need to get over this.. "I love you, Lisa.. but not in that way." I lied. She stood up.. and started to tear up.. she walked to the door and the last thing she said was "Don't drink too much next time." and I heard my door close.

I cried when she left.. I cried myself to sleep.. I wanted to tell her so bad.. why didn't I? "I'm with Kai" I kept repeating to myself.. but my heart.. it was beating for someone else.. is it right to feel this way?... how will I know..?