Riding Blind

Chapter 21

I continued to pack my things.  I was even more determined to get out of there even faster than before.  I had always been strong emotionally and mentally when it came to relationships, but something about Jeff's rejection tore me apart.  I tried everything in my power to push those feelings down and get the hell out of town.

I heard the bedroom door open and felt a presence. "Sweetie. Don just called. Said Jeff is on his way back to come get you." Joanie announced.  I turned my head towards her as I stopped throwing things around.  "Come get me for what? To kick me out of town himself?!" I yelled.  I knew I shouldn't be taking anything out on her.  She had been my rock since I got into town.  She sighed and shook her head. "No, he's coming to get you to bring you back to his place." I was confused by her words.  What could he possibly want from me? "....for what? To kill me himself because I brought all this shit here to you guys?! I'm all set.  I'll be gone before tomorrow night." I went back to my feverish packing.  I hadn't realized how much clothing I accumulated during my time in town. 

Joanie charged over to me and ripped shirts out of my hands and threw them across the room. "Will you cut the shit and listen to what I'm saying?! He's coming here to get you so he can protect you.  He stormed out of here because, well, he's Jeff.  He doesn't think sometimes and just.....'does'.  He went to his place to get things ready." Her explanation made me want to cry. But I had no idea why. "Why would he want me Joanie?  I'm broken, used up.  I didn't want any of you to know any of that shit.  But now you do, and I know you're all looking at me differently. Hell I don't blame you. I'd do it too." Tears began to form. I tried like hell to keep them from rushing down.

Joanie grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at her.  "Listen here chickie.  We don't look at you any differently.  What happened to you wasn't your fault.  You were threatened and forced to do all those things.  If anything the only difference in the way I look at you, is that now, I want to protect you more than I did before.  As for Jeff, you still have a lot to learn about him.  I've known that asshole since we were kids.  He's stubborn, hardheaded, oblivious. Quite honestly I don't understand your relationship with him.  But besides all that. I've never,NEVER, seen him like this before.  He's never been so protective over a girl.  He's never wanted to spend so much time with anyone, let alone a female.  He doesn't allow people into his personal space and yet you have stayed countless of nights at his house.  You think you have a dark past? Trust me.  His ain't bright rainbows and ponies.  If you knew half the shit that man has done before you got here, or maybe even while you're here, you'd probably run away screaming."

As she spoke, I could feel myself soften.  Maybe she was right.  I only knew the Jeff that he showed me.  I had heard many times that he seemed to change a bit since we got together. But I honestly had no idea how much, or how true, that really was.  I was kept out of the loop about things he did for the DR's.  I had seen him come back with bruises, gashes, blood, all over him.  I had seen his eyes go from pick black filled with anger, to soft brown the moment he laid eyes on me.  He didn't know, but there were a few nights that I spent over at his house, where he'd talk in his sleep.  He was having nightmares of god knows what. 

I sat down on the edge of the bed, exhausted from thinking so much.  My head pounded.  In the excitement of a new relationship,  I was on cloud nine.  But I never stopped to realize.......I didn't know this man.  I didn't know about his past, present.  I didn't know what he wanted out of the future.  I didn't know how dangerous he was, or what kind of danger he could bring to me.  But even after all of that,  he did things to me. Things I never been through before.  Feelings I had never felt.  When he was around, I felt safe, comfortable.  I felt wanted......loved even.  When I wasn't around him, I felt lost. Empty a bit even.  These feelings scared me a bit, but also made me feel hopeful and excited.  They made me feel like I wanted to learn everything about him. Good, bad or ugly. 

My thoughts were interrupted when Joanie looked down at her phone.  "Well, plans changed.  Pete is taking Trixie back to his place. Jeff and Don want me to bring you to Jeff's house.  They're gathering up the boys to figure some things out." She said as she stood back up off the bed.  She began to walk towards the bedroom door, then stopped turning towards me. "You coming with?" She asked.

Was I?