Fun!: Practically therapy for the Wicked

The time I died!!!feb16

feb.16.2021

So I haven't typed anything in the last couple of day and that's because my period started. YAY!

The number one reason it sucks to be a wOmaAn, is literally periods. Being a woman would be kinda nice, I got two big jugs on my chest and my ass, got a cool ass vagine that I can put things in, but all of that isn't worth the pain and discomfort I feel every month from my period. 

I something called endometriosis, and it's a condition where my insides are a little fucked and I have a low chance of having/bearing children, so all in all not that terrible. But the cramps...dear god the cramps I have when on my period. 

It's not just the cramps, it's the nausea and enevitable projectile vomitting. It's a really routine killer. Any routine that I start usually ends because of my period. I try to write every day, but then bang my period comes and it's a break in the routine. Yesterday, was awful, I felt like I was dying. 

It all started at 12 when I felt what's called, "the stirring". I get tiny little cramps that I almost don't feel but then the alarms go off in my head and it's prepare the bomb shelter. Then I start to feel a little constipated and Kablam!!! I go to the bathroom and see the little light red drops of satans tears. I'm very convinced that not even satan would wish this on anyone. 

I finished writing in my daily journal where I write down what I do everyday. I was in the middle of catching up but had to stop because demon's river just had to come up. I feel like I'm being punished for not getting pregnant. 

about 3 hours later, it starts!!! now my period isn't heavy, yes people with endo (using the short name for my condition) usually have heavy periods, but most of blood is clotted on the first day. 

This is all really grosss and you should've just skipped this chapter. 

At the beginning the cramps aren't so bad, I did some school work on Monday so one or two days of procrastination won't get me in trouble with deadlines. I start watching some YouTube until 4 oclock 30 minutes before my accounting lecture and I'm supposed to be in an online lecture. By 4:30, I'm clutching my stomach trying to listen past the pain. I used to take pain relievers like ibprophen, but I started to gain a tolerance and it was affecting my liver health so I stopped. I tried CBD and weed, but they didn't work either. So I just have to go through it naturally. 

By the end of the lecture at 5:30, I start to feel the vomit coming up. I didn't have any big meal this morning since my period messes with my appetite so I was real curious what I was going to vomit. I had celery for breakfast, but I knew that had to already be digested after 6 hours. So my stomach through up the only thing it could: BILE

Now, bile is the sour yellowy stuff your stomach uses to digest food. Also when your stomach has no food to throw up, it throws up bile. I only know this because after I vomited into the toilet I looked it up online. I was actually scared what my stomach had concocted and was scared it was maggots or something. 

While this is all happening, my stomach is bloating and cramping, also lower back pain, and headaches, and chill then sweating. And I'm just going through it. It's impossible for my mind to focus even on something simple like a YouTube video or tv show. I just have to sit with my thoughts, which become so loud and vivid they feel like hallucinations and hope it ends soon. 

It's the constant trips of vomiting and shitting/diareha then going into bed until my stomach has another fit. 

I've gone to the doctor and told them everything. Without ibuprofen, I'm pretty much doomed. The 2nd solution is to workout, which I try but it takes longer than a month before the results show themself. So whenever I start about a month in the cycle breaks, then I take a break and can't seem to get back in the groove. 

All night I keep vomiting until my body get tired and there's nothing left. I lay in my bed under the heated blanket hoping the heat will make the cramps less intense. At about 3 am I stopped vomiting. It's not until 12 pm the next day when it's finally over, the cramps are done. That's 18 hours of pure torture, my body just tortures me and it's all because of shitty genetics. The only other person in my family that deals with this is my mom, and she's just as bad/worse, she can't even get out of bed. 

But yeah, that was the last couple days for me so I'll try to write daily as promised to myself. And thanks to anyone who reads this.