Burning Ashes (Sequel to Willow House)

Chapter Five: Who's that Girl?

ASH’S P.O.V-

Cassie, sleeping with Liam? What she trying to do, even the playing field? Just because I’d slept with her a few times, does it make it alright for her to sleep with him? I guess it was my punishment for my actions earlier. She seemed pretty wired about that. Plus, who would want to have to sleep in Molly’s room? It was her own fault. Maybe it was, but still, I asked her first. I’d be better for her, keep her warmer than him. Bet she had to turn the heating up in his room. Not with me, I’m her own personal hot water bottle. I smiled at the thought of having her curled up next to me after having asked if she could stay with me that night. Bliss. I wanted it! I wanted her. That’s what I really wanted. It’s like that for people scared of heights, they’re not afraid of heights, just of falling. There’s a deeper reason, there always is. There always has to be. I wanted to barge in and take her away, to my room, to let her sleep with me. I’d make her happy, I make her happy. He hurts her; he is just a hindrance in her life. And you can be one too… I can, I guess. I can hurt her, I have before. I’ve been really nasty before, I physically harmed her, and I hate myself for that. I repent the fact I cause her pain sometimes. I always have and always will. If I can’t have her, then why can’t I just let her go? Not hurt her anymore, allow her and Liam to be happy as a distorted couple. She’d make it right though. She wouldn’t care how broken down her relationship was, she would fix it all, she’s perfect like that. She’d make it right for us too… Wouldn’t she? 

Who knows what painful day will lay ahead of me tomorrow. What trouble I’ll get roped into because of Liam. I dumped my school kit on the beanbag that was fraying away in the corner of my room. I packet my kit together for P.E and wished more than anything I had Cassie hanging over my shoulder like a lost pup I could make found. One I could hold onto till mornings light. I wanted to hold her close and make her happy again. She was pissed off at me at the moment and that was what I deserved. I wish I could go apologize, but she’ll be with him, and he’ll be holding her like I wanted to hold her. I was envious of this guy, to the point it was haunting me. I needed something to take my mind off of her and him. I was obsessed with her! I need something, no you need someone. Am I honestly thinking I need a relationship when I love another girl? It would only make it an awkward and upsetting relationship anyway. And who would like me? Ash Grangefield, quote; Dickhead? Maybe, that girl I sit next to in science, she seems nice enough, popular, and fun…What was her name again? Becky. Becky Coral. Wait, what am I thinking!? I can’t like Becky. I like Cassie and that’s it. 

I didn’t fancy eating any tea, and I couldn’t stand seeing her with him again. I knew they were holding hands under the table earlier, it was obvious. What with the smiling at each other and the looks. It made me sick, like a lot of the things he did with her. I crawled under the duvets and imagined holding her. Like I had done many times before. I didn’t want to go to school tomorrow, like a child would protest against it, I wanted to protest against it. I never had the best of days at school, maybe some rare moments when I can be alone with Cassie. Times before Liam returned. They were the only upsides of that wretched school. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I just wanted to sleep, let all the drama of today pass me by. 

Impossible. Another morning in the early hours. I wiped at my face with my hand, I couldn’t keep this up. There’s only so much even I can take. I pulled my legs out of the duvets. I hadn’t even bothered to get changed, I’m such a scruff. I decided it was then I was going to change. I slipped out of my jeans and into some jogger like Pj’s. I didn’t even bother with a top once I had taken the one I’d been wearing off. It was too warm. I bet Cassie was still freezing, still cold in that bed with Liam. It sounded horrible to think about. I rubbed at my eyes, I was really tired. I slumped back onto my bed and watched the shadows play on my mind. Different shapes form in the darkness. I tried to sleep again, but I need something to ease me back into unconsciousness. I got back up and crept out of my room. It wasn’t cold in the hallway, and I only noticed a change in temperature when my bare feet hit the wooden stairs. They were cool to touch, but didn’t affect me too much. I sauntered into the kitchen, and it reminded me of how I had found Cassie here on one of the first nights she had stayed at Willow. I boiled the kettle and created myself a coffee. I was getting hooked on this stuff, but it was the only thing that could keep me going. “Y’know, coffee won’t help if you want to get some sleep.” There she stood at the doorway to the kitchen, watching me. She smiled and rubbed at her own eyes, before yawning and shuffling her way towards me. I could only see the rim of her pajama shorts as Liam’s hoodie was large enough to cover most of it. When she caught me looking, she pulled anxiously at the material. She looked rough, but cute. She couldn’t escape being beautiful, even in the earliest hours of the morning. She was so close to me again, that I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and carry her up to my room. She added a cup beside mine and popped a tea bag into it. “Y’know, teas just as bad.” She wrinkled her nose at me.