The Initiate (A Divergent fanfic)

Chapter 38.

We all wait in the graffitied hallway. One by one people go in to the fear landscape room. We are beyond the glass building which is beyond the pit. Aspin has his arm around Ryan, Keira has licked off the dark pink lipstick she was wearing due to nerves, Shayne is hugging Olivia and I have clutched Connor's shaking hand and I haven't been able to let go. "I have never been so scared in all my life." I whisper into Connor's ear. The screams of Bayley have pierced my heat almost stopping it. Connor tries to smile. "Hey we have got this ok?" He says. I smile back and clutch his hand tighter. The screams of Bayley stop and my heart rate begins to pick up. The door opens and Tobias walks towards us. "Ruby it is time please." Tobias says calmly but beneath the exterior of his voice I can sense the un-stability. Last night I was tracing my worst fears; snakes, the dark, vomiting, drowning and of course Marcus. 

Slowly I stand and I get one last look of Connor, in a few minutes I may become factionless. I follow Tobias into the room which is lit by the old fluorescent lights that were in the hall way, the word 'Dauntless' is spray painted in red on the wall and there are large screens so the other Dauntless can watch us all. Though I doubt many will be watching. Off to the side of the room there is another screen that allows the Dauntless leaders watch. In the middle of the room there is a black chair and Tris is filling a glass tube up with the serum. Tobias lightly touches my wrist and he quietly says "See you soon."

Nervously I walk over to Tris and my heart rate has definitely picked up. My chest throbs, my palms are covered in sweat and I am breathing heavily. I take a seat on the chair and lay back, Tris begins to inject me with serum. "Be brave Ruby, I hope you make it." She says.

Soon the room disappears and I am in the simulation. I am outside the city, the sky is dark, the floor is thick with mud and I hear the thick hisses in the bushes that sway in the wind. Number 1, snakes.

I begin to run out the dense forest I am in but I can already feel them wrapping their sleek bodies around my legs. Their fangs biting into my legs and their venom covering my shins. My head becomes light and my chest pounds harder than ever. Within seconds I am on the muddy floor and I am dominated by the snakes. My ears have filled with hisses and the venom runs down my cheeks, I try to fight them off but there are at least fifty of them attacking me. I look around on the floor for an object to get me out of the simulation, I see a wooden stick about the size of my leg. I struggle to my feet and rush over to the stick and begin windmilling my arms to keep the snakes off me and away.

I close my eyes and hope I move onto the next fear. When I open them I see myself in the pit, the glass ceiling in-tact above me.

I look around for people but the compound is empty all I can hear is the roar and the dripping of the chasm. Suddenly the flickering lights above me begin to ferociously flicker and turn off. Number 2, the fear of the dark. The pit is pitch black and even the glass ceiling is black. My hear rate picks up again and I collapse to my knees. My chest tightens and I gasp for air. I put my knees up to my head and take deep breaths and try to think of the good stuff. Nothing is permanent in this world, neither is this. I continue to take deep breaths and I hold back my tears. "I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm safe." I repeat like a broken record. After the panic a sense of calmness comes and I lay on the floor and close my eyes.

Until I feel a trickle in my left ear. I quickly tear open my eyes and realize that I am surrounded by blue glass walls and I can briefly see the silhouettes of people who put a 100% of their focus into watching me suffer. I jump to my feet and by now the water is already to my knees. Number 3, the fear of drowning. I whip off my jacket and wedge it tightly in the pipe which the water flies out of.

The water stops and the glass walls disappear. But a sick feeling has arrived in my stomach, heavy like an iron flag. I begin vomiting uncontrollably. My throat burns with acid and my chest feels broken, I use the exposed pipes of the wall to pick myself up. Sweat covers my face and a strand of hair sticks to my cheek. Another sick feeling arrives and more vomit flies out of my mouth this time it is enough to make tears in my eyes. I can only see one thing on the floor, a gun which is underneath a blue light. I crawl over to it and without thinking I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger.

The room goes black and I am again standing in the pit. And once again people are stood watching me; laughing. Which scares me because they all share the same menacing tone even Olivia who hasn't taken her eyes off me. Tobias walks infront of the audience. "We take justice very seriously here and now it will spin a full wheel. You will be burnt alive in front off all the Dauntless faction." He says over the laughs of those who are watching. The blood flow stops and I feel the blood escape my face. Uriah and Connor both light a match and drop on the planks of wood which is by my feet. The brown planks of wood have ignited into orange flames that are the same colour of Oliver's hair. The flames slowly lick at my legs and tears come, but I need a way to get out of this situation. I struggle against the ropes that are rough against my hands to no avail they are tied tightly. The black trousers are covered in holes and my skin is blistered and bleeding. But the pain isn't enough to stop me from trying to fight, I move my hands again but the rope is too tight to free myself. But I am tied to a pole which is circular I spin against the pole so my back is against the flames. Which splits the ropes which are wrapped around my hands. I jump off the planks of wood and I turn to face those who wanted me dead.

The pit shifts away and moves onto fear 6, I am in familiar territory. Grey walls, a grey floor and the smell of soap and wine fills my nostrils. I know this kitchen and guess what, Marcus is staring right at me with a brown leather belt which dangles from his right hand. He begins to wrap it around his thick candle like white fingers. He begins to walk towards me and his dark blue eyes freeze my legs immobilizing any movement. His hands are caked in thick red blood. Tobias's? I hope not. "Sonia, I'm doing this to make you better." Marcus says. His voice sounds strange because I haven't heard it in months. I didn't realize how grey his hair is until now. He throws his arm back and the leather belt slaps my chin, I feel the oxygen attack it and the blood which is pouring out. Marcus gets closer to me and towers me like the Hub. He throws his arm back for another shot but I throw my left foot into his crotch and then into his face. He falls back and I grab the leather belt and hit his face as hard as my body will allow. His face gets covered in blood and I slam the belt into the skin of his bare wrist.

I'm concerned about how much I am enjoying hurting Marcus after so many years of him hurting me. The sight of Marcus's cut and wounded body has dissapeared and I am on top of the Hub. The wind blows through my hair. The sky is dark, the marsh empty as it has always been, the city lit by bulbs of white and orange lights. I turn behind me and I see Tris, Tobias, Connor, Cheryl, Dwayne, Shayne and Olivia are all kneeling on the glass of the Hub. Their faces are red and green from the lights of the antennas. Olivia has tears in her eyes, Tris and Tobias hold hands and Connor just stares at me like a lost puppy. They have metal rings around their necks which have red flashing lights around them. I feel a click at the side of me.

I turn to the right and see Jeanine with Caleb at the side taking notes. She hands me a silver pistol. "In forty seconds those explosives will go off unless you kill one of them." She says with a smile. Her blonde hair is tied in a tight ponytail and her blue dress blows in the wind. "Starting now." She adds. I hear a beep and feel a vibration on my neck I nearly fall off the roof when I see the metal ring around my neck.

"40, 39, 38, 37, 36, 35..." Caleb counts down. And I am left with the decision of who to kill. Killing someone should only be done for the right reasons...or to save someone else. "29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24..." Caleb says. I look at the people who mean something to me and try to make the impossible decision of who to kill. Tris and Tobias need each other, Cheryl and Dwayne are good people, Shayne and Olivia are only starting out as for Connor he has no family but I need him. My life won't be worth shit without him. And he has people that can mend him. He will find another girl.  "19, 18, 17, 16..." The answer hits me. No one needs me and there is a fine line between bravery and self-sacrifice. "10, 9, 8, 7..." I quickly raise the gun to my head and pull the trigger a bright flash closes my eyes.