𝐁𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╲ 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥

the past + failing

George had never been the one to admit he was feeling shitty. If he was in a bad mood or had been crying previously, his response would always be that he's fine. Even though he knew that he wasn't. He just never had the guts to tell anybody. There's always something that's happening in George's world, something with hi sexuality, his mother, his family etc. He knew that he was hurting but never wanted to say something about it.

When George was little, his parents were happy. His mom was skinnier and healthier and his father was happy with his life. Once George grew up, his parents started to fight more. Mostly about money issues until his father cheated on his mother. That was the last straw for his mother and she kicked him out and told him he would never see her or George ever again, she was correct.

The years after his father had left, she started to eat more which resulted in her gaining more weight. With this extra weight, came the depression, stress and anxiety. She would sometimes lay all of her problems onto George, making George her own personal therapist, other times she would hurt George just to relief her own problems. George never said anything because with every punch, slap or mean word she has ever said or done to him, he knew in the end that it was never true.

George realized that he was gay around age eleven, a year after his father had left. He had a sleepover with a couple of boys his age and one of them kissed him. It was a dare but George ended up liking the feeling and tried to kiss him back only resulting in a heavy push away. He got laughed at and bullied until he got to high school and nobody really cares about who you like once you get into high school. (I say that like I know. -Hailee)

George never said that he was gay. He knew what the term was but he never got the courage to actually come out to his mother and put a label on himself. He isn't unlabeled, he's just scared. Scared of what the outcome could become if he ever came to terms with himself. There is times during the day when he would sit and ponder on himself and how miserable and unhealthy his life was but he would push those thoughts away and deny them. Deny, deny, deny. It was an unhealthy process but he just couldn't come to terms with himself, he just couldn't.

He always knew that one day, he would have to come out to his family and that scared him. He would rather keep his life private and never tell anything. None of his family even saw him anymore. When they come over to catch up with Katelyn, George's mother, he would always stay in his room and never come out, the fear and anxiety just being too much for him. Confession was also something that he hated. He hated saying that he was wrong. He always hated saying that somebody was right.

"George?" The teacher called his name for the fifth time.

"Yes? Sorry." George asked, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"Were you paying attention at all?" The teacher asked him, crossing her hands in front of her chest.

"No." George said in a low tone.

"Okay then." She said and turned her back to George, continuing to teach.

George sighed with relief as he looked down to his journal with his math notes. He gasped as he saw what he had done while he was daydreaming. He had lazily scribbled curvy lines over all of his notes and he cursed quietly under his breath as he quickly erased the lines, going back to rewriting the notes that he has just erased.

"George? Are you not done with your notes?" The teacher asked, standing in front of him.

"I uhm, accidentally drew over them." George said, not daring to look his teacher in the eyes.

"You what?" She asked again, seeming as though she hadn't heard him.

"I drew on-" George started but got quickly interrupted.

"I expect better from you next time, Mr. Davidson." She said and walked off to the student next to George.

George sighed quietly and once the bell rang, he picked up his bag and dashed out the door only to be called back in the classroom by his teacher who was obviously in a bitchy mood. George wondered if she had any coffee this morning. He slowly walked back into the room that he now hated and stood in front of her desk.

"George, what is wrong with you lately?" She asked, leaning over her desk so that a bit of her cleavage was showing which was her obvious move.

George backed away a bit, not wanting to see all of that.

"I don't know what you mean, Ms. Hamberg." George said, nervously tripping over his words.

"I think you know exactly what I mean." She said, walking towards him with a paper in her hand.

"Uhm." George said quietly.

"F's on every test this semester. Why?" She asked him, leaning back on her desk.

"I'm not a very good test taker." George said.

"Okay, just get out of my classroom now." She said, sitting back in her chair.

George quickly walked out of the room not wanting to be in there for much longer.