A love reborn from the ashes.

13 - Nihat

Sanem

Denise hadn't asked, she had understood that something important was happening, she had looked carefully into my eyes and hugged me tightly and then left me alone with my thoughts.

My hands continued to shake, how had this happened? How had he found me? I had been careful not to leave any traces. Only Layla knew I was still in Istanbul but she didn't know about little Nihat's existence or where I lived. We had been meeting for a few months, after the birth of the baby, in a café on the coast. I couldn't reveal my son's presence even to her, I couldn't risk her telling my parents or, even worse, Emre.

My new existence was now without all of them, my parents knew that I worked in a company far away from Istanbul, they had been upset by my departure and for months our phone calls had been strained, I could hear the disapproval in their voice, but that was nothing compared to the shame and disgrace that would fall on them if the truth came out.

I was sorry that I couldn't share the joy of my book's success with my family. No one knew that I was the international bestselling author of the moment.
They would have been proud if they had known, I'm sure, but I didn't want my parents to learn from the novel the things I had done and experienced. I didn't want them to lose their love for Can, they had always loved him as the son they didn't have and I didn't want them to understand that I had left because of him.
They wouldn't have forgiven them.
Only Metin knew that I was the author of that novel, I was Phoenix, I had hired him to follow all the paperwork related to the contract with the publishing house but he was bound to professional secrecy, he couldn't tell anyone.

I sighed, came back to the present looking at little Nihat who, unaware of the storm raging around him, was smiling and toddling blissfully in his crib. How beautiful he was! He was the best part of my life and I would never have regretted all the torments I had gone through if all this had allowed me to have my little angel. I looked at him with tears in my eyes, thinking of the look in Can's eyes when she had seen him.

He had shaken his head as if to deny that he could be his son, as if he couldn't accept his presence. How much he had hurt me! He might have rejected my love but how could he reject his son?
Ever since I found out I was expecting a child, I was torn by the thought of a little one who would grow up without the affection of a father, who would one day ask why he didn't have a father like his friends.
My heart was devastated just thinking about it, but in this moment only the doubt of what would happen existed for me.

What was Can going to do? Was he going to get back on his beautiful boat and run away? I wasn't going to be surprised. That was his specialty, to not face difficulties and run away, he had always done that from the beginning of our relationship.
He was an albatross who could not stay in one place, he had to be free.
While I was immersed in these thoughts I perceived a presence on the door left open by Denise. I looked up at his uncertain face, afraid of the welcome he would receive.
He knocked lightly on the door jamb and asked meekly for permission to enter, I could not do anything but nod.
There was no point in stalling, we might as well have this confrontation now, even if it was painful, and then go back to our solitary life once he was gone.
Can respectfully removed his shoes, walked into the house with his hands clasped in obvious embarrassment, took a breath as if to speak when the movement of arms and feet poking out from the crib caught his attention. I saw him swallowing, nervously running his hands through his loose hair, and then resolutely moving towards the baby as if in a trance.

He lowered his gaze on the baby, seemed to hold his breath until a wonderful smile appeared on his face. He remained like that, enchanted, for what seemed like an eternity, then hesitantly extended a hand towards him and the hearts of both probably stopped at the moment when a tiny hand grabbed a finger of his huge hand.

When you say "An instant that is worth an eternity".

That moment was pure emotion.

We stood in silence, both with tears in our eyes and a storm of emotions raging through our minds and hearts. Then only Can could be heard whispering

- My son.... -