A love reborn from the ashes.

53 - Gifts

Sanem

The launch of the second book had been a success and within weeks it had entered the top ten best selling books in the world. I still couldn't believe the success and affection I had received from an audience of all ages in so many countries around the world.

For the promotional tour, as long as my pregnancy allowed me to travel safely, we went to different cities in Turkey and Europe. Each time Can accompanied me, with little Nihat, making sure to coincide with our stay some photo shoot on commission. It wasn't difficult for him, despite his absence for a year, he continued to be an internationally renowned and sought-after photographer.

We moved into the new house, it was beautiful, warm and bright, we had furnished it merging our tastes and came out colorful and comfortable, it was our nest and I felt really at home there now.

It was sad to leave the cottage, that place would always be in my heart and we promised ourselves to go back there often taking advantage to take a boat ride and to visit the old Yusuf who was so important for both of us, his support had been crucial to our story.

As time went by my belly got bigger and bigger, if I compared it to the one I had had during Nihat's pregnancy. Can was in raptures, he wouldn't stop stroking it, resting his cheek on it and talking and singing to the little ones.
Thinking back, I had tears in my eyes when, with his hands resting on either side of my abdomen, he felt the babies move for the first time. He was thunderstruck, he was incredulous, hot tears of emotion streamed down his face, they were his children, this time he could enjoy every detail of the pregnancy and he had never thought before about this moment, how it could be to hear them move for the first time.

In the big bed at night he taught Nihat to caress his mother's belly gently and to sing a lullaby to his little brothers and sisters, he himself spent hours talking to the little ones, telling them how he loved their mother, how they were their miracle of love and how he couldn't wait to take them in his arms.

She photographed me every week since we found out we were expecting them, always in the same spot in the bedroom, and took a million pictures of me, the baby bump, and Nihat with the baby bump.

By the last month I had become huge, I was struggling to stand and move, Can didn't even go out to work anymore, he did it from home, he took care of the baby and spoiled me in a shameful way, he was also apprehensive as hell, I couldn't sneeze and he ran around asking if everything was ok. He was so sweet!

Can

They were months full of emotions, besides the immense joy I felt for having my Sanem next to me, I was ecstatic about the experience of being a father.

With Nihat every day was game, discovery, tenderness and boundless love. The first time he said "Baba" I literally fell on my knees next to him, who was sitting on the carpet in the living room, and I felt my heart burst with love for that wonderful little being.

About Sanem's condition there was a certain amount of apprehension for a twin pregnancy that always involved risks for mother and child.
I couldn't even think that something could happen to her, I had found her again and it was inconceivable for me to think of losing her, this led me to be perhaps a little too apprehensive, but my Sanem forgave me everything and snorted smiling at my every exaggeration.

Then there was living a pregnancy for the first time, everything was new to me, the regret of having missed so many things about Nihat's birth made me live everything viscerally, fortunately together this time.
The news that they were twins almost made me fall head over heels, who could have ever imagined that I would find myself the father of three children in the space of a year? Certainly not that lonely and desperate navigator lost for months in a sea of self-pity and anger.
From the discovery of being Nihat's father to the news that two more children were on the way had passed a little more than 3 months, no wonder I still felt like I was living a roller coaster of emotions.

The first ultrasound in which we saw two moving silhouettes in which we could clearly distinguish heads, arms, legs was an exceptional experience for me,
My children began to be something real, alive, with beating hearts, that we felt beating loudly through the ultrasound, ready to come into the world.
We had decided we didn't want to know the sex in advance, we wanted it to be a surprise, so for the moment the walls of the other two bedrooms remained white, we would paint them after the birth.

Suddenly the big day arrived, as we entered the eighth month we had been warned that it could happen at any time but when I heard Sanem's voice from the living room - Caaaaaannnn!!! - my heart leapt. Her water broke in the middle of the room, I started running around like a headless chicken, until Sanem laughing said - Sakin ol Can, don't worry we have plenty of time, how about calling my sister first so she can come and take care of Nihat? Eh, what do you say? - From there we started the great maneuvers for which we had been preparing for months, Layla came to pick up the baby, the bag we had prepared some time ago immediately in the car and then slowly, as if it were a porcelain ready to break, I put a Sanem decidedly amused by my expression in the car ready to go to the hospital.

The labor was long and exhausting, I massaged her back at every contraction, I wiped the sweat from her forehead, I willingly let her destroy my hand to help her relieve the intense pain that came in waves more and more close together, they were hours in which my Sanem showed the strength of a lioness.
I couldn't think that she had already lived all this without me, without the man to whom she was giving such a great gift, it wasn't right, I already regretted it enormously but now, when I realized what she had faced alone, even more so.
When the time came, this time I was close to her, I held her hand tightly and stroked her hair, giving her words of love and comfort. I saw her suffer greatly at the first final push, which was repaid by a loud cry and the voice of the midwife who said - Mom, Dad, here is a beautiful baby boy - They had already wrapped him in a towel and put him in my arms, how could I describe in words what I felt at that moment? It's not possible. That tiny being was our son, he had black hair and eyes, he had managed to free from the cloth a little hand that waved in front of my nose crying with all the breath he could get in his little lungs. My aslan, my lion!
We looked at him rapt, both smiling with tears in our eyes.

For Sanem, however, it wasn't over yet, the midwife invited her to get ready for the second push while the nurse took the baby from my arms to perform routine checks.
More suffering, more handshakes, another strong push and it was all over, the strong and sure cry and then the midwife beaming and telling us:
- Gentlemen, I'd say you're all set, here's your baby girl.
This time they put her in the arms of an exhausted but radiant Sanem, my hands trembled as I gently caressed that little head of dark hair while two big inquiring eyes looked at me as if she wanted to get an idea of what her daddy was made of. She was adorable, chubby and wrinkly, not crying like her brother had, she was serious and looking around curiously.
The nurse came to pick her up for her scheduled checkups as well and left us alone to look into each other's eyes and love each other even more for what we were sharing in that moment.
Our wonderful babies were beautiful, we were crazy with joy.
I took his hand, brought it to my lips, looked deeply into her eyes and said:

-Teşekkür ederim, aşkım, thank you my love.

You have given me gifts for which I will never find words even remotely suitable to thank you, you are an exceptional woman and I love you immensely.

You have filled my life with love, beauty, joy and hope, the four of you are my life, you are my future, my everything.

Seni çok seviyorum aşkım.

I love you so much my love