A love reborn from the ashes.

34 - The albatross and the phoenix

Can

I left the agency in a rage and headed back home ... Home ... home was where Sanem was or rather now where Sanem and little Nihat was.

Thanks to my mother I had lost so much of life with Sanem, the birth and the first months of my son's life.

I would never have forgiven her.

I knew they would be at Mihriban's that afternoon so I prepared for the surprise I had planned for that evening.

I waited on the deck to see her return and joined her as she walked up the porch, I had missed them both unbearably all day.

- Merhaba- I helped her free the little one from the pouch and accompanied them into the house.
It was the first time I'd been inside since the night of the storm when I'd only seen the bedroom, so she let me sit in the living room while she went into the bedroom to change Nihat.
I could calmly observe her house, it was cheerful and colorful just like the Sanem I had fallen in love with, it perfectly reflected her personality.
I approached the bookstore, we had always shared a passion for reading and had often read poetry books together or exchanged books with our feelings noted in the margins. I was intrigued by the fact that on a shelf there were several copies of the same book, I took one but I didn't even have time to look at the cover when I heard Sanem come into the living room, I turned to look at her with the book in her hand. I saw her stunned looking at me, I wondered why she was reacting that way, I lowered my gaze on the book and I understood, I looked at her astonished.

- Did you write this? Is it your book?

She nodded.

The astonishment was so great that I had to sit on the nearest armchair, I kept turning it over in my hands, the cover couldn't be more eloquent for me, it depicted an albatross and a phoenix elegantly intertwined.
Phoenix was the author.
I opened it and on the first page I found the dedication.

- To the albatross.

To you who left me with broken dreams and burned pages -

I closed my eyes, it was too much to metabolize under his attentive gaze, I needed to get away from her.

- Can I take this? -

-Of course- she answered in a hesitant tone.

I left the house as if in a state of trance and returned to the boat still in disbelief. I had to read it, I wanted to enter his soul through those pages, I wanted to know what he had written about. Just a few pages were enough to understand that he had written about us, I put it down for a moment and took my cell phone to do a search on the web.
I had been away from it all for so long, I wanted to see if his book had been a success.
I was literally speechless, it was an international bestseller translated into 25 languages and sold practically all over the world.
But what kind of woman was she? Not only had she carried a pregnancy completely on her own during this year of separation, but she had also been able to write a literary masterpiece.
She never ceased to amaze me.

I picked up the book again and began to read avidly, I couldn't take my eyes off the pages longing for every word, struck by the depth of her thoughts and her ability to convey endless emotions. In two hours I had read it all, I was ecstatic.

I realized that it was really late, I had to get everything ready before Sanem left the house for the usual night walk on the pier.

Sanem

I wouldn't have wanted him to find out like this, I don't really know if I would have wanted him to know in reality. If he was meant to leave, maybe it would be better if he never read it.

I gently put little Nihat asleep in his crib, I stopped to look at him enchanted, as often happened to me, thinking how beautiful he was and how much he looked like his daddy.

Sighing, I took the baby monitor and went out for the usual night walk on the pier, it was my anti-stress medicine.
I started with my head down lost in a thousand conflicting thoughts and only got up once I was on the pier to be completely enchanted.
It had become a magical place: strings of soft lights stretched between the poles, a plaid on the ground with colorful pillows, candles and flowers everywhere and among all this he.
He was as beautiful as ever, wearing a white shirt, black pants and his hair tied up to uncover that fascinating face that, at this moment, was stretched out in an enigmatic smile.
He gallantly offered me his hand to accompany me, I took it excitedly and together we went to sit down, he offered me a drink in a crystal goblet that, once again, he invited me to raise to the sky in a toast.

- To you Sanem, to the exceptional woman you are, to all the reasons I love you I must add your talent for writing. I'm so proud of you, you were able to write a work of art, a true hymn to love with a delicacy and a lightness that is shocking.

You put all your love, all your pain, all your regret into it and made it so real that I think every reader empathized with you. I viscerally felt every feeling you had and I still apologize for everything I did to you.

You are unique Sanem, the one and only woman in my life, you never cease to amaze me, seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much-

He took my hand and brought it to his lips looking at me passionately, he didn't want an answer at that moment, he knew it wasn't possible.

He took something close to his and smiling he handed it to me.

- It's not a bestseller but it's my way of telling about the two of us in a different way from yours, a way that is, let's say, more in my ropes.

I took the volume he handed me, curious to understand what it was about. Already on the first page my heart leapt, holding my breath I continued to browse through, it was a photo album that contained our whole story.

It was me, it was him, it was us together in the happy days: on the Galata Bridge, in front of the Maiden's Tower, in the park, at the agency, at the hut and then there was also Nihat, when had he taken all those pictures? How beautiful we were together, he had been able to capture the soul of each of us, I could also see on those snapshots his love that, at the time, I thought was forever.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes smiling - It's beautiful! Thank you Can-

- It's you who is beautiful, our love is beautiful, our son is beautiful. You are just capable of filling my world with beauty Sanem -

With that he took my hand and we looked at each other in silence, for me it wasn't the time to speak yet, I wasn't ready, we stayed like that flipping through the album again together and then looking at the stars.

What was I supposed to do? Could I risk opening my heart to him again?