The Loser

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Sex is...unsettling.

One moment, I feel as if I could die, go to hell for my sinful ways and be completely fine with it. Wanting more. Wishing to have another go but then it's over. Edward pulls out and lays down, his body not touching mine. I hear him slow his breathing while my hand creeps to the side to pull the forgotten sheet slowly across my body. I'm afraid to move. To say a word because I'm not sure what he is feeling. Does he want more as I do? Is he lying there wondering how he can escape? Does he wish to scrub his body from my touch?

I don't know what to do.

He softly clears his throat and moves. Once again, the sheet is clutched tightly to my body. My eyes shut tight, so he has the opportunity to go without me bearing witness to his indecency.

"Bella?"

I nearly jump at his voice.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

My eyes open, and I look over at him. He leans up onto his arm, and his face is full of concern. I nod, but I'm not sure how convincing I am.

"Are you sure?"

I cough slightly to clear my throat.

"Yes," I whispered. "I'm sorry. Did you need something?"

He looks confused. "I just want to make sure you are okay. I don't want to leave here if you are going to cry because you wish you would have waited. Did I hurt you? You should probably take a bath..."

"No, you didn't hurt me. I...uh...it felt good."

Too good. I can already feel myself tingling at the thought of more. Now I know why my mother said this act would send me straight to hell because it felt like the time I was drinking that beer. I wanted another one. Even though it tasted vile, I wanted more because I liked how the beer made me feel. I wasn't sure if Edward would ever want to have sex with me again, but I could suddenly see myself doing sinful things to a cucumber for the chance to chase that wonderful feeling once more.

"Good," he said. He rolled over and stood from the bed. He is completely naked and more beautiful than any sight my eyes have ever had the opportunity to witness. I try not to look, but I am captivated. I see it. My first glimpse at his 'hose,' and it doesn't look anything like a gardening implement. More like a desert snake. I think Alice is going to be sorely disappointed.

I smile and nearly giggle, and Edward catches me. He grabs the confirmation sheet and looks back at me.

"What?"

I shake my head and look away.

"My apologies. Something Alice said," I try to explain so he wouldn't think I was laughing at him.

"You're thinking about my sister?"

Great. Now I've done it.

"She...she told me that men have a gardening hose. I was just thinking she will be disappointed when she learns the truth."

Edward walked over to the bed with the confirmation sheet in his hand and sits down next to me.

"My parents always did keep Alice sheltered. They were worried she would end up like me. God, a gardening hose? No wonder you were so worried. Well, you are welcome to look. One of the Cullens should set you straight."

I clutched my sheet tighter and sunk into the bed, not looking in his direction.

"No, it's okay. I probably tempted God too much today."

Edward put his hand on the bed and leaned over me until I was brave enough to look back into his eyes.

"Bella, God is not going to smite you for having premarital sex with your fiancé. I think he has bigger worries. Now be a good girl and open your legs."