What We Could Never Be (gxg)

Part 6- Present Day

Things were going well at my job. I was genuinely enjoying working there and spending time with the elderly patients. I had been there for a few weeks now, and I was settling in.
I wound up telling Casey, who was my mentor and had become a friend, about how Brianna was my ex. After what happened my first day, and the angry looks Brianna would shoot my way, I had to let her know. She said she obviously knew something was going on. She was going to play Switzerland though because she liked Brianna, and sometimes hung out with her in a group setting outside of work. She told me Brianna had been working at the nursing home for a little over a year.
I didn't know anything about her life, I realized. I had her blocked on social media and she had me blocked.
When she told me she was engaged it was like a punch to my gut honestly. I wanted her to be happy. But I had wanted that happiness to be with me. It was taking everything in me to not check Facebook or Instagram and see who her fiancé was.
The day before 4th of July weekend Casey and I ate lunch together outside. It was slightly breezy and nice out.
"You should come to my 4th of July party. Me and my fiancé have been hosting one for the past few years at our place." Casey said, taking a bite of her sandwich.
"I would love to. Do other people from work come?" I asked.
She looked over at me knowingly, "Do you mean Brianna?"
"Maybe." I rolled my eyes.
"Yes, she is coming. Her and my fiancé get along well- they talk sports"
"What about her fiancé?"
"I'm not sure. Brianna wasn't even dating her when she first started working here. I think she's a nurse, works weird hours."
"Have you met her?" I asked.
"I haven't met her. Brianna did say she might come to the 4th of July party."
"I wonder who she is." I thought out loud.
"Do you have each other blocked on social media?" Casey asked me, "Brianna doesn't really have any social media, but her fiancé does."
"Yes we did. That's odd though that she doesn't have any social media. But...you know who her fiancé is?"
"Yes. Do you want me to show you? I don't want it to be too hard for you..." Casey trailed off.
I wanted to see. Rip the bandaid off. "Show me." I said.
Casey whipped out her phone and pressed some buttons on her keypad. I saw her click on a picture. "Here." She handed me her iPhone.
My heart was racing. I looked down at the photo. A selfie of a girl in a dark green tank top. Smiling. She had tan skin, long, shiny chestnut brown hair with the ends a little lighter, and blue eyes. And then I realized who it was. Are you fucking kidding me.
"You look mad. Oh god. Do you know who it is?" Casey asked me.
"Sydney fucking Schaefer. Are you kidding me." I seethed, "I didn't even know she was gay? Oh my god."
"Okay...do we not like Sydney. Who is she?"
"No we don't like her! Or at least I don't. She graduated with me. She was so fucking mean. She used to tease me for not having money. And being gay when the school found out!" I could not believe this. THAT was Brianna's fiancé?
"Wow. Blake...I am really sorry, truly. I know it can't be easy to know your ex is engaged. Especially to someone you don't like." Casey put her hand on mine.
I smiled at my new friend. "Thanks."
"It'll be good for you to party this weekend" she smiled back.
4th of July. Fell on a Monday that year and I had off. So Casey's party was Sunday. It was a BBQ cookout. I didn't really have anything too festive for July 4th, so I put on a dark blue tank top and a pair of white jean shorts I found in Savannah's closet. I decided to make myself look nice. I put some glow oil on my skin, and a little extra makeup around my green eyes. I straightened my hair and put some shine serum in it.
Casey lived about a half hour from me. She told me if I drank too much I could crash at her place. She lived a bit further up North in a smaller town. Her and her fiancé, Shawn, had bought the house last year. When I pulled up it was a smaller single house on a good amount of land. It was yellow, and looked nice. I saw Shawn's truck in the driveway.
Casey said a good amount of people usually came to her parties. I texted her I was there and she told me to come out back. I was going to invite Savannah- but she had to work. And I knew it wouldn't go well if she saw Brianna.
There was a good amount of people there when I walked out back. Over 20. Casey ran right up to me when she saw me. I knew she was going to do whatever she could to make me feel welcome. She looked cute in jeans shorts and a red t shirt. "Blake, hey?" She gave me a hug and then whispered, "Brianna isn't here yet."
She introduced me to her fiancé, and I sat down with him and her at one of the picnic tables sat up. She introduced me to some of her other friends, and a couple of the other social workers at work were there as well.
Around 20 minutes later I heard, "Hey, Brianna!" It was one of the physical therapists, Jamie, that greeted her.
"Hey!" She said, and I turned my head to see her. And who else was next to her but Sydney. I took a deep breath. Fuck. Me.
Brianna had on a cropped red hoodie and Capri boyfriend jeans with rips. She also had on her glasses- I loved it when she wore them. I looked at Sydney, who had her hand in Brianna's. Yuck.
Sydney was almost as tall as Brianna, and she was slim and tan. She had on a bright red tank top and tiny Daisy Duke shorts. I hated that she, well, wasn't ugly. Her long hair was in a high ponytail.
I drifted my gaze over to Brianna and saw she was looking straight at me. Don't let it get to you, Blake. Try not to.
A group of us from work wound up sitting down in a circle on the grass, about 10 of us. Brianna and Sydney joined us. I noticed Sydney was avoiding looking my way. She knew I dated Brianna. She made fun of me for dating Brianna.
The topic changed to weddings as we talked. I hadn't said much, trying to avoid Brianna's glances.
"Casey, when are you and Shawn getting married?" Jamie asked her.
"November! We are so excited." Casey said cheerfully.
"That's when Bri and I are getting married we think. On our one year anniversary. We just want something really small." Sydney interjected, looking at Brianna lovingly.
One year?? They hadn't even been together a fucking year yet, only 8 months, and they were engaged? I was with Brianna for over 3 and that didn't even happen.
"We just want something really romantic and intimate." Sydney went on, "With just a few close friends and family members there."
I thought about Brianna's family. They were supposed to be my family one day.
I was starting to see red. I hated myself for it. But I was starting to get angry. And sad. And just fucking hurt. I couldn't handle this.
"Excuse me, I'll be back." I said, and started walking off. I was headed to my car. I needed to get out of here. I thought I would be able to handle seeing Brianna and Sydney but I couldn't even handle a half hour.
I reached my car, which was parked on the side in front of Casey's house and leaned on the back of it. I didn't even realize tears had been running down my eyes. Ruining my makeup. Great.
I knew it was my fault Brianna and I broke up. I broke her heart. I thought it was right to end things. But I always had some hope, that we would somehow find our way back. That was crushed today.
I was looking down, crying, when I heard my name. "Blake."
It wasn't a super friendly tone. But it also wasn't as icy as it had been. I knew who it was. I looked up to see Brianna in front of me.
God, I just wanted to kiss her. Reach over, put my arms around her neck, and kiss her.
"Why are you here?" I asked her.
"I don't know, to be honest." She bit her bottom lip and chewed it. She was nervous.
"Well you don't have to worry about me. You can go back to your fiancé."
"I think it's more important I check on you."
"Why? Why the fuck is it more important?" I said through tears.
"I don't know, okay? It just is. I'm sure it's not easy for you to see me with her."
"You're right. It isn't, Brianna. And why her? Why Sydney Schaefer of all people?"
"She's different than she was back in high school." Brianna almost whispered.
"Well good for her." I mumbled.
"I don't get why you're so upset. You're the one who-" Brianna started to say angrily, but I cut her off.
"I know. I fucking know. I'm the one who broke your heart. I'm the one who ended things. And it was stupid of me. And you don't think I haven't regretted it every single day since?" I was talking loudly, and I didn't care.
"How was I supposed to know that? You didn't reach out. You blocked me. You acted like you didn't care. I HAD to move on, Blake."
I just kept crying. I didn't know what to say back. It was like every emotion I had kept inside since the break up had been bubbling over.
"You're being selfish. It's like you don't want me to be happy and move on from you." Brianna continued.
"Okay, fine. I'm being selfish. How am I not supposed to be when the person I love is engaged?" I practically shouted. And then immediately regretted it.
Brianna looked taken aback. "Love?"
I just looked down. "Sorry."
"Great. Just great. Now you tell me. When I'm fucking engaged."
"Not like it wouldn't have changed anything."
"It would've changed everything." Brianna said, and I noticed she was holding back tears. "I can't do this right now."
"Neither can I."
She nodded, and then walked off. I noticed as she was walking, she had tears running down her face.