What We Could Never Be (gxg)

Part 29- College

I tried calling Brianna one time after we broke up. A couple days after. And it went straight to voicemail. She was done. And I guess I had to be too.
I never felt more empty in my life than I did without her. And I missed her. Not having a girlfriend. Brianna. I missed everything about her with every fiber of my being. How she always could ease my anxiety. Her assuring, confident demeanor. Her sarcastic sense of humor. Her soft brown eyes and smile. Her lips on mine. I missed every goddamn thing about her.
I went to class but I couldn't pay attention. I started missing soccer practice. I had a meeting again with my advisor, Kira, and broke down in her office. She was beyond understanding about all I had been through the past year, and spoke to the soccer coach. He said that I could take the rest of the semester off, and it was decided that if I came back and played in the Fall, I still would have my scholarship.
I ended school on May 15th, a little over a month after Brianna and I broke up. And I would be going back to my moms house. Not Brianna's house. I wouldn't be spending my break with her. The thought of that would just make me cry.
The only thing keeping me somewhat sane at my moms house was Jade, who was going to be 2 soon. I would play with her all day, and I started working back at the retirement home as a server to stay busy and make money. I kept wondering if I would run into Brianna anywhere. But she was probably gearing up to go to the Army. I also desperately wanted to talk to Maureen and Vivian. But they probably hated me.
One night in mid-June when my mom was cooking dinner, and Ryan was at work, she asked me, "How are you feeling, honey?"
She had been sweet to me after knowing about Brianna and I breaking up. It was basically her and Savannah I could talk to. Oliver wasn't here. And the only person I really wanted to talk to about how I felt was the reason for all this pain.
I sighed, "Not very good."
She stirred the spaghetti that was cooking on the stove, "I know it's so hard now. But things will get better. You can focus now on what really matters."
"What do you mean, like school?" I asked her. I was sitting at the kitchen table.
"Well, yes. Of course. But also...other things." My mom said.
"What are you talking about?"
My paused and looked at me, "I want you to really think about dating a guy."
...what? What the fuck did she just say?
"That's funny you would say that, considering I'm gay." I said.
My mom sighed, "Sweetie, you were so young when you started to date Brianna. She could've corrupted your mind. You're older now...single. You should try doing what is right."
Was I hearing correctly? "You cannot be fucking serious, mom. Corrupted me?" I spat.
"You're not gay. You were just confused." My mom said, and I could tell she was trying to stay calm.
"No, I think you're the one that is confused. I'm gay. You're going to have to accept that."
"I do not have to accept something that is not natural." My mom said, raising her voice.
So she was this homophobic. "Okay, so then I guess you're saying you don't accept me. Because I'm gay, mom. Like super fucking gay."
"No daughter of mine is going to be gay. You're just confused." She said quietly.
"I'm not confused! Jesus Christ! What is wrong with you?" I yelled. My little sister started crying.
"I'm not the one there is something wrong with." My mom looked right at me.
I walked up toward her. "Fuck you." I said, "I'm leaving."
"Fine." She said, and turned back around to dinner.
I stood there for a moment not believing this was happening. So her sweet, caring mom shtick she has been putting on was just an act. Did she say those things about Brianna and wondering if I was sure about her so we would break up? I was absolutely seething.
I called Savannah, in my car, crying. I had threw some of my clothes in a bag, and went into my car. "Savannah, can I please come stay with you." I sobbed.
"Oh my god, Blake! What's wrong?" Savannah's voice came over the phone. I explained everything. She told me to come over. Her parents had been in the room and they told her I could stay that whole summer. They were utterly disgusted with my mom. As any parent should be.
Savannah lived almost 2 hours away from me, more up North in Pennsylvania, toward the Pocono Mountains. I realized I was going to have to quit my job. I was on autopilot the whole drive there. Normally I would've been nervous to drive so far to somewhere I didn't know, but I needed to get the fuck out. I wasn't even thinking the whole way up.
Savannah, her mom, dad, and little brother Jake welcomed me with open arms. I couldn't be more thankful.
My mom tried to call me a few times. I only answered one time to say, "I am living with Savannah. Do not contact me." Fuck her. I was entirely done. She could wonder where I was, I didn't care.
Savannah's 19th birthday was at the very end of July. I had settled into living in her guest room. My life still felt like I was living in some kind of weird dream- or nightmare at this point. Every day I wanted to call Brianna and tell her about everything. I figured by now she was at Army training. So I couldn't even contact her if I wanted to. That gave me a huge pit in my stomach- along with thinking about her meeting someone there and falling in love.
Savannah's family held a birthday bonfire for her. She lived in a big, single house with a lot of land. She had a huge backyard with a pool and a bonfire toward the back of it. Some of her friends from high school were there- as well as some of her cousins. She had quite a lot of them.
One of her cousins, Alyx, kept looking at me. Savannah must've told her I was gay. Alyx- I hate to sound stereotypical- was absolutely gay. She would be considered a more masculine lesbian- she had short, spiked up platinum, ice blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. I noticed all of her tattoos up and down her arms. She had on a black t-shirt, silver chain, and dark wash skinny jeans with rips paired with Vans.
At one point during the party, around 11, I ventured to the kitchen to eat some vegetables an spinach-artichoke dip. Savannah's mom, Dana, was an awesome cook. It was like gourmet meal after gourmet snack after gourmet drinks in that house.
I was about to dip a carrot into the plate of dip I made myself when I heard "My Aunt Dana is a pretty  good cook, huh?"
I looked up. It was Alyx. She wasn't much taller than me, and she smelled really good. Like some kind of expensive cologne.
"Oh, yeah. It's been one of the best things about living here." I said. I didn't know why, but I suddenly was worried if I looked okay or not. It was a humid night, and I wondered if my hair had frizzed up or anything. Or if my little black sundress was too basic.
"I've taught her a thing or two." Alyx leaned her arm on the marble counter. We were facing each other.
"You know how to cook well?"
"It'd be pretty bad for my restaurant if I didn't." Alyx chuckled.
"Oh, are you a Chef?"
"Head chef. It's called Devil's Tavern in the city, you should try it."
"I will. I'm sure it's delicious. But wow...head chef. How long did it take you to become that?"
"A couple of years. I graduated culinary school when I was 20. And I worked in a few restaurants for a couple years until I found Devil's Tavern. 2 years later I became head chef. Pure hard work." Alyx looked proud. I could tell she was a bit cocky.
"That's pretty amazing. So, if I'm doing my calculations right, that makes you 24? 25?"
"Bingo. 25." She grinned. And then shook her head, "Man, Savannah didn't tell you anything about me did she?"
"Was she supposed to?"
"Well, I asked her to. I wondered who her cute roommate was, and when she told me you were into girls- I was interested. And then when she said you were newly single- even better." Alyx looked at me.
Newly single. Don't remind me. I swallowed, "Even better?"
Alyx stepped up to me. And then before I knew it, she had pushed a lock of my hair aside and said into my ear, "I can make you forget all about her."
As good as Alyx was and made me feel, I didn't forget about Brianna that night. In fact, sleeping with Alyx made me miss Brianna's touch more.
And for the next three years I didn't forget about Brianna. I thought about that girl every single day. I figured she forgot about me- but Brianna Wren was someone I could never forget.