What We Could Never Be (gxg)

Part 16- Present Day

Labor Day weekend rolled around and Casey was going to have another party. She told me that her and her fiancé have a party for every holiday- and that I was always going to be on the invite list. I had become close friends with Casey and was grateful for her friendship. We were attached at the hip at work and hung out with each other outside of work too.
"Is Brianna coming to the party?" I asked her on the Friday before her Labor Day party, which would be on Sunday night into Monday. Like 4th of July, we all had off of work.
We were out to dinner at a sushi restaurant, Mikado, near work.
"I did invite her. She said that she would probably come." Casey picked up a spicy tuna roll with her chopsticks.
"How about her fiancé?"
"She specifically told me that Sydney would not be coming."
"Oh really?" I took a bite of a sweet potato tempura roll.
Casey sighed. "You and her need to figure out what's going on between you guys."
I looked at her, "What do you mean?"
"It's obvious you guys love each other still. But you also have a bunch of pent up anger."
"You think she still loves me?" I asked Casey.
"It's beyond obvious."
I wondered if she was right.
The night of Casey's party it was actually a bit chilly out for the beginning of September. I put on a black tank top with a flannel over it and shorts. I drove up to Casey's, and once again she told me I could stay over if I got too drunk. She jokingly made me promise to not leave early this time.
She asked me if I wanted to invite Ellen- but since she saw Brianna at my work we hadn't talked too much. We didn't hangout that weekend, she said she was busy. I was fine with it. I wasn't ready to start any kind of relationship.
I got to Casey's at around 8 PM. It was already starting to get to be dusk outside, and a bunch of people were in her backyard. Since it was a little bit chilly out she had a bonfire going. Music was playing and she had a cooler full of drinks. I saw that Brianna was already there, also in a flannel and a pair of ripped skinny jeans. We were both in flannels- how gay of us. She was sitting by the bonfire with some of her fellow Physical Therapy co workers.
She kept looking at me. And I kept looking at her. Tonight it wasn't anger fueled looks though. She almost seemed...sad. And I was feeling defeated by everything. I was still hopelessly in love with Brianna. And I didn't know what to do about it. So I drank. I kept on drinking. Beer, punch that Casey made, twisted tea. I didn't realize how much I was drinking until I started to feel very tipsy.
"Are you okay? You look a little dazed out?" Casey's fiancé, Shawn asked me at one point.
"I think I need to sit down." I said. I usually didn't drink this much. But I was drowning out my emotions with alcohol.
"Here, let's have you go sit by the bonfire." Shawn said, and led me over one of the big logs they had for people to sit by the bonfire. I let him walk me to it, I could tell it was out of pure concern for me. Casey came up to us.
"Hey, are you okay?" she asked me as I sat down. I was feeling a bit dizzy and queasy.
"I don't feel the greatest." I said, taking a deep breath. I saw Brianna looking our way.
"Let me go grab you a cold glass of ice water." Casey said, "I'll be right back."
As Casey walked back into her house I swore I heard Brianna ask her if I was okay. But I could have been imagining things. Or hoping.
Casey got me an ice water. I started to sip it slowly, and then felt cold. My flannel was thin. I rubbed my hands together to start to feel warmth. Casey was sitting next to me, keeping me company, even though I wasn't saying much.
I saw Brianna get up and walk over. She was taking her flannel off, she had a t-shirt underneath. She was also wearing a gray baseball cap, which I found to be so hot. But what did she want?
She stood in front of me. "Here." She handed me her flannel.
"Um, why are you giving me this?" I asked her.
"You're obviously cold. Wear it, warm up." She said.
"Oh...thank you." I said, a little too drunk to process what was happening. She nodded and walked back over to her spot.
The flannel smelled like her. The same fresh, clean smell that I was so used to. With a hint of lavender. She used lavender essential oils to calm her down. I was feeling a bit overcome with emotion, and was also starting to get quite dizzy and nauseous.
"Casey, I don't feel so great. Can I lay down somewhere?"
"Of course. I'll take you to my guest room. There's a nice comfy bed in there." She said, and grabbed my hand. We went into her house and then she led me up the steps and into a smaller room with a comfy bed. The lights were out.
"Want me to keep the lights off because you're not feeling great?" She said as I laid down.
"Sure, thank you. But can you keep the door open so it's not pitch dark?"
"Of course. Call me if you need anything." She said.
I laid down and while I felt super lousy, I also was just feeling so fucking low. I had no idea what to do about Brianna. None. And she was going to be getting married.
I was laying on my side, not facing the door. Tears were spilling out of my eyes. God, I was such a sad drunk.
"Blake?" I heard my name, softly spoken. And I knew immediately who it was. I sat up, a bit too quickly and looked at the doorway. Brianna was standing there.
"What's up?" I asked, feeling slightly queasy from sitting up so fast.
She walked over to the bed. "I wanted to check on you. You looked really out of it...I saw you drinking a lot. Can I sit down?"
I nodded and she sat down. "Yeah." I said, "I'm an idiot. I drank too much, I shouldn't have."
Brianna chucked, "You're a lightweight. You always have been." Then she looked closer at me, "Have you been crying?"
"What gave it away? The mascara that's stained my face?" I laughed, sadly.
"Your mascara actually is still pretty in tact. But your eyes are all shiny."
"Oh." I said, and then started to feel a wave of dizziness and nausea come on. "I...I don't feel great."
"Hey, hey. It's okay. Just lay down." Brianna said, gently guiding me back on my side to lay down. She was being so nice. Why? Why was she being so sweet to me?
To my surprise she laid down next to me. And she made herself the big spoon. Like I was so used to. Which made me cry even more.
"What's wrong, why are you crying?" She said, and I was very conscious of her arms around me. Sydney wouldn't like this.
"I'm just upset. I don't think I have to spell it out." I sniffled.
"I understand. The amount I've cried these past few months...almost beats a few years ago." She said. I knew she was referencing our break up.
"I'm so sorry." I said back. She was stroking my hair. And I was confused about this hot and cold act from her. She was being so caring with me right now, like when we were together.
"I know. It's okay." She whispered, running her fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ear.
I turned myself over to face her. We were so close. I could feel her breath.
I looked into her eyes. "Why are you being so sweet to me right now?"
"It's still in me to want to help you if you're not feeling good, Blake." She said, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. Her other hand was on my arm.
I was drunk. And brave in that moment. "Do you still love me, Brianna?" I asked her. Flat out.
And in response, once again- she was kissing me. Gently though- not with force like she had in the gym. She was slow, and her lips felt so soft. She had her hand cupping my jaw, and she was kissing me like she wanted me more than anything.
I pulled myself away, remembering she was engaged. "Brianna...we can't do this."
"I know." She whispered sadly. And I was expecting her to get up and storm off. But she didn't. She still laid there, looking at me. Playing with my hair.
Eventually I turned back over. I was feeling exhausted. She still had her arms around me. And before I fell asleep she I could hear heavy breathing. I turned my head the slightest bit. She was sleeping. She must be exhausted.
I fell asleep, in her arms. I didn't realize how much I had fucking missed this.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this if you have! In the parts coming up, Brianna and Blake was going to get tangled up in a relationship I do not condone personally, but it is part of their story. Things are going to heat up!