I Swear It: Herophine

Chapter 22

It's 10pm and I've never been so wired. Josephine is sitting on my couch with Joshua nestled on her chest after he finished his bottle, rubbing his back. Seeing her like this is kind of fucking with my head. Holding this little thing that has so much of my heart even though it scares the shit out of me, relaxing on my couch in leggings and a sweatshirt, completely at ease watching football highlights with me. Tonight has gone so much better than expected. Conversation has been casual and easy and taking care of Josh with Jo is easier than I had thought, although at one point he threw up all over my neck and I swear Jo laughed for 20 minutes straight at me. I was pissed for all of 5 seconds until I heard her laughter and saw her walking towards me to take him so I could get myself cleaned up. The rest of the night has gone just as well, although it has been hard for me not to touch her at all. I've never had to work so hard to gain someone's trust and I honestly don't know how to, do I treat her like my sister or mom? That feels weird and I really don't want to. Do I treat her like a bro? Also feels weird and unnatural. Jo pulls me out of my head with a little yelp and giggle.

"Looks like pay back for me laughing when he threw up on you."

I look to see what she's talking about and sure enough she has a large wet spot on her sweatshirt right next to Josh's head. I move to take him like she had done for me and turn my back to walk back to my seat as she removes her sweatshirt. She's wearing a thin black tank top and I can't stop my eyes from scanning her chest. Is she not wearing a bra? Of fucking course she's not. I quickly flick my eyes back to the television when she awkwardly clears her throat.

"Do you mind if I borrow a sweatshirt?" She asks, cheeks pink, probably realizing I can one hundred percent see her hard nipples under her shirt and all I can think about is the night I had her in my bed, my lips all over her body. I don't even answer, just quickly hand Josh off to her and run into my room to grab her a sweatshirt and take a fucking breath. I come back a couple minutes later and lay the item of clothing next to her, picking up my nephew and returning to my spot on the sectional.

"So," I begin, knowing the question I have been desperately wanting to ask for a few weeks and finally gathering the courage to ask. "That guy we ran into at the coffee shop, Dylan I think his name was?" I know that was his name, I've been thinking about the interaction ever since I witnessed it. "What happened there exactly? I know it's not my place but I've been curious..." I trail off, this was a stupid idea, why would I ask her that, it's not my place at all and we've had such a nice night. Fuck. To my surprise she just laughs.

"I should've known you wouldn't forget that. Hmm where to begin..." she taps her chin, thinking. "We met in college, he was a year older than me in nursing school and I had the biggest crush on him freshman and sophomore year and I think everyone in the program knew, including him. I never thought much of it honestly, it was more a joke with my friends, I'd see him on campus and he would smile and I would turn bright red and run the other way," she laughs at this, remembering those times and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I'm not sure why, he's her ex-boyfriend and she's talking about it pretty casually, as if it doesn't bother her anymore, but they have years of memories together and that's what I'm working towards hopefully.

"Anyway, I was out with my friends for my 21st birthday and he was there, offered to get me a drink and that was it, we started dating 2 months later. He graduated that spring, got a job close to our university, we stayed together and it was good, for a while at least. I graduated the next year and got a job in the ICU with him, even though I wanted to do labor and delivery, he had convinced me to do ICU instead. I moved in with him and thought that was it for me. He could do no wrong. I was finally with my crush and placed him on a pedestal and did everything I could to keep him. And then he went to dayshift and I was on nightshift and this girl Scarlett started working dayshift with him. And that was the beginning of the end. He complained I never wanted to have sex anymore because I was always tired or sleeping and he started working more. That's what he had told me at the time at least. And then one day I was sent home early from work and they were in our apartment, fucking each other in our bed. He said it would never happen again. And then it happened two more times, at least that I walked in on. So I moved in with my sister and her now fiancée, applied to labor and delivery and got the fuck away from him. That's where I met Katie and Taylor, they took me under their wing and I've never been happier. It took me a while, don't get me wrong, but I trust myself again you know? I shouldn't have put him on a pedestal but that's not what made him cheat, I did nothing to make him cheat. And yeah that's the story, weren't ready for that were ya?" she says with another laugh and if I didn't have a baby sleeping in my arms I am positive I'd have my arms around her. Because she's here, wrapped in my clothes, telling me this piece of her like she might trust me, at least a little bit. I want to tell her I'll be different. That I won't ever make her doubt us, doubt me. That I'll make her happier than she was with him. That I won't get mad if she's too tired for sex because I'll be happy to have her in my arms. That she is so much stronger than she gives herself credit for and I want to be with her as she continues to grow.