I Swear It: Herophine

Chapter 36

If Hero's death grip on my waist is anything to go by he figured it out. I'm not even really sure how he figured it out. He heard this story once, twice if you count when we ran into Dylan that lovely morning all those months ago, but either way, he's figured it out.

I'd also wager a guess that Scarlett has figured out I'm with Hero, her eyes gleam with mischief and her smile is bright, like a cat with a mouse, ready to play.

"Josephine, baby let's get out of here, okay?" Hero tries, he really does, to move me along and away from this woman, but my feet are firmly planted in place, my eyes holding hers with a hatred I didn't know I still had for her.

"Well isn't this a fun little surprise! We're sharing once again, huh Jo?" Scarlett says with a wry smile, flitting her eyes over to Hero and eyeing him hungrily.

"Not fucking happening. Jo, let's go home." Hero says, and this time he's actually able to move me when he gently pushes me towards the door. But Scarlett is quicker, she's always been quick when it comes to saying something to tear down everything you thought you knew.

"Oh! Did you guys move in together! Hero I love your flat, it's so beautiful with those big windows overlooking the city. And that bed, my God that bed is so comfortable. I loved that bed." With each word she says that fierceness in my heart dies a little bit more, replaced with hurt. Agony.

"Hero. What is she talking about? Why has she been to your apartment?" I whisper as Hero all but shoves me out the exit and away from the woman who I think was put on this earth to torment me.

"I'll explain everything when we get home."

That word again. Home. He keeps saying it as if we have a place to call home. I was starting to feel that way, truth be told. I've been spending so much time at his apartment that it has started to feel like my home. My life was blending so beautifully into his without me even noticing. And now, as I hear Jordan yelling at Scarlett behind us, asking her what she said and Titan calling out to us asking if everything is okay I feel like the only thing I know how to do is pull everything back to me. I forcefully pull my body out of Hero's grasp and run to the ladies room, locking the door behind me before he can follow me in. I hear him pounding on the door, asking if I'm okay, asking to let him in but I can't handle his touch right now. That's how Dylan always got me to come back. He'd pull me into his arms and hold me while I cried and say he would never do it again, to come to dayshift so we could spend more time together and he wouldn't need anyone else but me. Dylan's touch didn't effect me half as much as Hero's does and I'm afraid if he touches me, if he looks at me with those beautiful green eyes I'm going to cave. I'll believe anything he says and I'll be that stupid girl I was all those years ago.

"I just need a minute." I whisper to myself, there's no way he's heard me. I can barely hear myself over the pounding on the door, but he does stop for a moment.

"Please just let me explain. I promise it's not as bad as it sounds but you need to let me explain baby." And I want him to explain. I want him to tell me she's a fucking liar and she's never stepped foot in his apartment and has no idea how comfortable his bed is because she's never been lucky enough to sleep in it but I know those would be lies. I saw the way she looked at him. Like she's familiar with his body, like she knows what it's like to be with him the way I've been with him and that thought makes me sick.

Why did it have to be her? The person who made me feel less than during my relationship and for years after it was over. The person who, with one look, made me think every bad thing I possibly could about myself. Made me believe I wasn't worthy of the love I wanted because whoever I was with would always find someone better, and somehow that someone better would always be her. I remember the last time I caught her and Dylan together she was asking him to tell her how I didn't make him feel good, how I could never make him feel as good as she could, and that shit broke me more than finding my partner in the arms of another woman. That fucking crushed me. And it's crushing me now, because I feel like I'm reliving that moment all over again, but instead of it being Dylan's voice, it's Hero's. And that's what does me in. The quiet shock and pain of the night has passed and the loud, embarrassing sobbing has taken its place, causing the pounding on the door to return. But I can't focus on that right now. I need to get out of here and away from every reminder of the last ten minutes. I need to get away from the thoughts that have begun creeping back into my mind, telling me I'm not good enough, I'll never be good enough.

I need you to come get me. Now. I text Katherine, along with the address, thankful she only lives 5 minutes away.

I don't make any move to get up off the floor until she texts me she's here and even then, it's a struggle to move at all. I know when I open that door Hero will be there, he's stopped pounding, knuckles probably bruised and sore, and he's just trying to talk to me. To get me to come out, listen to him, hear what really happened and I hate myself for not being able to give him that, for being the cause of the pain in his voice. But I know the road I'm about to go down and I can't do that right now. I prepare myself, mentally and physically for what comes next and whip the door open as quickly as I can, hoping that if I catch him off guard I'll be able to rush past him, and surprisingly I'm successful for all of two minutes before he catches up to me.

"Where are you going? Josephine, talk to me, please baby." He says, reaching for me and pulling me into him so I'm forced to face him. He looks almost as wrecked as I do, except I have to luxury of makeup running down my face, showing the path of my tears like a neon sign saying, she's broken.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this tonight, I just..." I rasp out, barely above a whisper, "I need to think. I need to figure out how I'm going to..." I can't finish that sentence, cutting myself off with a sob. Believe you, I want to say. I need to figure out how I'm going to believe you when you tell me your side of the story. Because he deserves that and so do I.

"We'll figure it out together! I'll help you, I'll do whatever you want me to do, just don't make me watch you walk away. Don't do that to me, please." He's pleading with me, begging me. And all I can think about is how beautiful he is, how much I want to remember every moment together in case I never have that with him again. But instead of giving him what he wants, what he needs, I give myself what I need and force myself once again out of his arms.

"I love you." I tell him, fresh tears brimming over, "I just need a little bit of time and I promise I'll come back to you when I'm ready to talk but please Hero, give me this time." And because I'm intent on breaking both of our hearts tonight I press a kiss to his tear stained cheek and run to Katherine's car, leaving my heart on the doorstep with him.