Money Power Glory [Mafia Kylo Ren AU]

Ch.39 - Proud

This felt like a nightmare.

You had no idea how much time had passed. You spent every minute the same way: laying on the old motel mattress, staring up at the ceiling, feeling completely numb. Vicrul and Ushar came and went, offering you various things or a shoulder to cry on. You could barely even hear them.

Your mind kept going to the image of Kylo walking away from you, his driver's car pulling out of the parking lot and moving down the street, leaving you behind.

Your head was pounding from how hard you'd been crying, from the lack of water and food and sleep that you'd gotten over the last couple of days. The person who always took care of you was gone.

Your thoughts were only interrupted by the feeling of someone grabbing onto your wrists and pulling you up into a seated position. When you sat up fully, you were able to see that Vicrul was across from you on the bed, holding onto your hands.

He looked almost as exhausted as you. His hair that he normally wore pushed back, was dangling in his face and he had a strained look in his eyes. "I know you don't want to eat but I'm forcing you to."

"I can't." You said softly, ignoring the way that your stomach was twisting in hunger.

"You can. Come here." Vicrul said to you in a gentle voice, pulling you in closer to him. You were sitting right beside him now and he put an arm around your shoulders to hold you in place. He reached beside him and put a sandwich into your hands, your favorite kind. Ushar must've picked one up while you had been laying in bed, staring off into space.

You held the food in your hands, making no move to actually bring it up to your mouth.

Vicrul sighed, squeezing your shoulder. "Come on, don't make me feed it to you." He said, humor faintly on his voice though he didn't smile or chuckle like he normally would've. There was nothing funny about this.

You nodded faintly, hesitantly taking a bite of it. Your stomach turned at the feeling of food in your mouth but you forced yourself to swallow it.

The sandwich was a little less than half gone when Ushar walked into the room, using his key to unlock the door before doing so.

"Honeys, I'm home." Ushar said in a sad sing-song voice, the smile not reaching his eyes.

You wanted to laugh at that, you normally would've. But the thought of feeling anything other than the aching pain inside your heart felt so wrong, you couldn't do it. You wanted so badly to go back in time. You would give anything to go back to the night you and the two knights played truth or dare with Kylo, the biggest worry being nervous about Hux finding out. You let them do filthy things with you because you trusted him and afterwards, he held you close to him and praised you all night, telling you what a good job you did.

It was all so simple then, even though it hadn't felt like it at the time.

Suddenly, it really  hit you: you were never going to see Kylo again.

You quickly put the food down on Vicrul's lap, where an open napkin was waiting for you. You pushed away from him and rushed to the bathroom, wanting to be alone as you began letting yourself sob again.

You could barely process it but in the back of your mind, you'd been able to hear Ushar ask, "Was it something I said?"

Since Kylo had been in your life, he was always the first person you went to when you were upset. When you were scared you knew you just needed some reassurance from him, maybe a few minutes in his arms. You couldn't get that now. You didn't even know where he was, how he was doing, if he was okay...