Divine Evolution (2021 Watty Awards Shortlist)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The fishermen in the village believed that the Abyss was the place in the universe where no gods dwelt. It existed under the Great Sea and was where one went after death if the Dragontide didn't claim your soul in the hereafter. It was a place of chaos, full of the damned; an eternal nighttime of the soul, full of fear and suffering without end. Cyann had never really believed such a place existed since she'd already lived her own personal Abyss while still alive. Now, she revised her opinion—the Timespace was worse than any sort of Abyss she could have ever dreamed up.

Once they'd stepped into the ball of blue light—the gateway into the Timespace—chaos reigned. Time, direction, distance, color, sound—all of it lost its meaning. Her eyes had been open at first. She quickly shut them as Niko instructed because the images she saw coming at her made her sick to her stomach. Fast. Blurry. A smear of an image that could have been a childhood memory, or a glimpse into a reality that didn't exist. The colors were inverted. Skies were red with blood. Trees with blue leaves. Animals she wasn't familiar with danced about, all without faces or that had too many legs, too many teeth.

Unfortunately, things were only marginally better with her eyes closed. There was an absence of sound so loud, it hurt her ears. The quiet made her head ache. Then she began to doubt if she was still holding Niko. In fact, she wasn't sure if she was holding onto anything. And were her limbs attached to her body? Was her body even her own? Whose thoughts was she thinking? Did she even exist? She started to hyperventilate. Were those her breaths? Maybe she'd forgotten how to breathe. Was she still alive?

The more time passed, the more confused she became. Maybe she was lost. Should she try walking in another direction? Where was Niko? What if he was lost too? Maybe she should try to find him. And while that seemed like a logical idea, she was just so tired. She felt drained and broken, confused about whether or not she was alive, or if she was even a person. Maybe she was actually waiting to be born. Yes, that was it. She didn't exist yet. She still needed to be born. Maybe she was supposed to give birth to herself. No, that didn't seem right. Or, maybe it was possible. Maybe all those things were possible. Maybe—

Sound exploded back into existence. She jumped, or tried to. Couldn't. Something was holding her and making it impossible to move. Then it occurred to her she could open her eyes, that she did in fact know how to see and think. Her body was her own and not a shell she'd been scraped into with a dull spoon.

Cyann took a shuddering breath and opened her eyes. Niko still held her, looking down at her intently.

"We made the first holding point and are through the gate." His voice was soft, as if aware that any noise—even the sound of someone breathing—was too loud. "How are you?"

"I don't want to do that again," she whispered back. "I thought I'd lost myself."

"It happens. I'm not thrilled with the idea of doing it again either, but it becomes more bearable the more times you Timewalk."

"How many times have you done it?"

He shrugged. "More than I can recall. The holding points are efficient, but not my favorite way to travel."

Cyann took in their surroundings. Like at the Ministry, they were in a large cavernous room with the dull gray walls some distance away and the ceiling impossible to see. The hum of machinery was the same, as was the large ball of pale blue light that pulsed and rippled behind them. The whole scenario looked so identical from where they'd just come, it seemed like they'd never left the Ministry at all.

"There's usually an attendant to monitor the traffic flow and ensure more than one party isn't accessing the gate at the same time. It gets complicated when different groups try to come through at once," Niko murmured, following her gaze.