Stagnant

Depression

Disclaimer!
This book includes topics of depression, suicide and self harm. If you find these uncomfortable or too close to home then please don't push yourself.
Mental health always comes first ❤

Wind; rain; clouds; darkness; depression. My town was filled with it.

Well really my town was only filled with wind, rain and clouds with the rare case of sunshine that broke through the constant cover of grey. When that happened it was like Mardi Gras on the streets of my small town. People were everywhere, burrowing like ants through the streets with smiles and laughter, soaking in the rare sunshine, believing that with only a seconds exposure that they'd bronze like copper. It was a parade in its own right, everyone out to celebrate the rays of yellow that would grace our forsaken Town.

Me? I would stay inside, away from everyone, as far as I could get. Like I said before, darkness and depression. Now they ruled over my life and I didn't stop them. Why would I? I deserved it.

Maybe that's why my skin was so pale or maybe it was a side effect of the depression. You know I'm so empty and numb inside that it soaked up and snatched every colour and every good feeling from me. It allowed me to see what it was like for Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Bella, Carlisle and Esme. It wasn't like I was like Jacob before with russet skin but I wasn't quite that level of vampirism. But now I am. I've achieved a goal that I wasn't even aiming for.

I hardly felt the wind slamming against me with its bitter force and I hardly felt the cool and pelting rain drops pummel my already numb and frozen face. My hair -the one side my natural black and the other neon green- was soaking, hanging and sticking to my face. I had a hood but I left it down, unbothered by the wet and clinging strands.

Why would I try and keep my hair dry with what I was about to do?

Absolutely pointless.

The harsh and missile-like raindrops masked my footsteps on the pavement that held potholes, lakes swimming within them. I grumbled underneath my breath as a hurricane worthy wind blew, my hair flew in my face and I missed the sight of a pothole, my boot covered foot taking a swim in the lake and rubble. Glaring at my now soaking foot, hearing the squelching of water while the earth continued to get pummelled and abused by the wind and rain.

My black mac barely saved me from the winds brutal attack. Goosebumps raised on my skin while shivers shook my spine, my jaw chattering and drops of rain hanging of my eyelashes, dropping on to my numb cheeks and beginning a journey down my body.

It made me question why I was doing this. Why was I out here in the pouring rain and blistering wind? Why was I walking with a completely drenched foot?

Oh yea. Because of what happened a year ago this exact day.

The year from hell. My year from hell but I was determined that hell wasn't even as bad as my life had been in the past year. Even Lucifer would feel sorry for me, not that I would want his pity.

A small smile graced my lips as my eyes set upon the raggedy and rockety wooden bridge on the other side of my town. It was abandoned, no one used it. Why? I don't know. It was just one of those stigma's that every generation has been conditioned to understand and follow.

Don't go near Ornsbury bridge!

Ornsbury bridge isn't safe!

Both fortunately and unfortunately, I wasn't one of those to follow the conditioned rules.

What's the point of naming a dumb bridge if you're not going to use it?

The heavy rain was forgotten about as I set foot on the wooden planks, them creaking under my foot. A jolt of fear chilled my heart as it rocked slowly after taking my first step but then it evened out. Why would I be scared if it did collapse? It wouldn't make any difference to what I was about to do, in fact it would probably make my job easier.