Stagnant

Dejection

I had always been interested in school and learning. I loved to learn new things, both from my teachers and books. After I finished my school experience, I had mainly relied on the company of books to teach me new subjects.

They say you never stop learning. As long as we're alive the lessons won't stop. 

But don't you have to be willing to learn? What happens when there's someone who doesn't want to learn -or simply can't learn.

If I'm so depressed and have no motivation then surely I can't learn new things and I won't be given any new lessons.

I didn't know whether to be thankful for that or disappointed. Like I said, I used to like learning but now I don't. That's what depression does, it rips everything you like doing away from you until you have recieve no enjoyment or pleasure from it.

We had a whole day before the rugby match this afternoon and spending it outside, by the harbour seemed a pretty good way to spend it.

It was still winter, meaning the wind was frigid and icy as it blew harshly, whipping my neon green and black hair around my face wildly. The dark grey blanket of clouds released their tears on to the Earth, a light sprinkling that wasn't enough to soak us but was enough for us to feel the light drops hitting our faces as if they were bullets. Ripples erupted from the dark waters of the harbour, the rain hitting the once calm waters, disrupting it.

"Bristol is pretty famous: rugby, architecture, science-"

"The slave trade." I finish for him, staring out at the harbour. Colourful houses like the ones from Balamory were stationed beside the harbour, light pink, blue, yellow, green reflected on the stainless water, ripples fanning out like mini tsunamis on the dark water from seagulls, the rain and the biting wind that blew. They disrupted the perfect colours reflected, creating a blur of them merged on the wrinkled surface.

From the corner of my eye I saw his questioning stare. "What?"

"Why do you think there's a big blooming statue of Edward Colston?" I roll my eyes, not bothering to look at him.

"Edward Colston was a merchant... he founded a hospital, schools, he helped charities." Utter confusion settled on his face, his sapphire eyes squinting while the clogs in his brain turned.

"Where did he get that money?" I ask, not waiting for a response. "Edward Colston had an active role in the slave trade, he enslaved over eighty-four thousand men, women and children from Africa to America, ones who had been kidnapped, beat, whipped and forced to work because of their skin colour. He played a huge part in Bristol's fame and wealth, he donated to charities and helped them locally and nationally, there's streets and halls named after him because of what he did for the city but whether it was direct or indirect, this city was built off of slavery because of the financial benefit it had on the slave traders who lived here -ie Edward Colston."

Silence follows while the wind continues its brutal attack. The streets are relatively quiet on this cold and dreary day in January. The sun hid behind the constant shelter of dark grey that was unleashing its anger on us but the two of us, Jackson and I, continued to stay outside just watching and studying our surroundings.

I didn't know if he cared that it was raining or that the wind was battering us, that he was probably going to end up taking another shower -this one scolding- just to warm him up from our outside escapade. He didn't complain, whether that was because he didn't care or because he didn't want to leave me alone.

The rain and the wind didn't bother me, I didn't care that my hair was flattening and dripping down my face, I didn't care that the rain drops were pummelling down on me lightly, trailing the crevices of my face and wetting my clothes, or that my face and hands were numb due to the Arctic wind and were threatening to fall off from frostbite. I had been in worse weather than this when I used to escape at night from the depression and sorrow that drowned my house. Being inside wasn't good for me, if I was going to learn anything then it would be that.