Stagnant

Change

Warmth.

I snuggle further in to the warmth that envelops my entire body, sighing when sleep decided to release me from its grasp.

"You okay?" He whispers quietly, pulling me closer to him as we both started waking up.

I hum, shame slamming in to me. "You're warm."

His chest rumbles as a chuckle leaves his lips. "Thanks." He waits a few moments. "You ready to get up?"

"Do I have to?" I whine.

My heart stutters when he presses a kiss to my forehead. "Yes. We have to change your bandages and get some food. I'm also planning a day out for us."

I freeze at the mention of bandages, a wave of shame washing over me like a tidal wave. I bury my face further in to his chest, more hiding myself now than relinquishing in the warmth.

"Hey hey." He rubs my back. "Let me take care of you this morning."

It wouldn't just be this morning. He would be wary of me now, waiting for me to next try and self harm. It would be like having a shadow, constantly following and looking over me. He would be walking in egg shells.

I'm dreading it.

He makes a move to get up, picking me up with ease and walking to the bathroom where he sits me on the counter like he did last night. The overwhelming stench of guilt and shame hits me, taking over my senses and pushing me further in to myself. He saw me at my lowest, he held me at my lowest. What must he think?

That image of me being a depressed girl must be even worse now. The depressed girl who tried to commit suicide and who self harms. He knew I self harmed before, he has confronted me about it after I refused to take my jumper off at axe throwing but this was different. He saw me in the middle of the act, he saw the blood, he saw the blade, he saw me vulnerable. I wanted to keep that part of me private, not have anyone ever see me like that but Jackson did. Jackson saw me at my weakest.

"Okay bandages done." He announces before turning on the shower. "Wash and then we'll go for breakfast."

After we both showered and dressed, we walked the ten minute journey to the nearest McDonald's, ordering breakfast and eating in corner of the restaurant.

"What are we doing today then?" I ask and take a bite out of my breakfast wrap, nearly moaning as the different breakfast foods explode on my taste buds.

"Well..." He swallows what's in his mouth. "I thought we'd do something very fun."

I think for a moment. "Will I be able to hit you with something?"

He mock laughs. "We're not doing anything that fun." I stifle a chuckle. "I'm not going to tell you until we get there. You can't chicken out that way."

Dread pools in my stomach. If he has to wait until we're there to tell me then it's something I don't want to do. There was only one other time he was this conspicuous and that was when he had booked us to go wingwalking. Despite the fact that I loved being hundreds of feet up in the air strapped to a plane, I was terrified and if he had told me about it beforehand, we both knew I would wouldn't have set foot out of the hotel room.

Ninety minutes and a very nervous and fidgety drive later, we arrived at the place Jackson had booked for us. We were in the middle of a city of glass and bricks, the sky blue and white, a wide river underneath us as we walked across a large metal blue bridge.

"Is this what we're doing?" I ask with a roll of my eyes. "Walking over a bridge?"

"We're walking halfway." He stopped and leaned on the end of the bridge, looking down. "Come have a look."