Stagnant

Devotion

"Elizabeth!"

I swear I'm making it up, my mind conjuring up sounds that never erupted but when heavy and fast footsteps approach, and the laboured breathing. For a single moment, for one fleeting moment, I imagine my wish came true. I imagine it's Elliot and he's alive. Maybe the past year was a dream -a nightmare- and it's Elliot.

But then reality bombards me and I curse myself for being so stupid and for causing myself more hurt.

Shaking those thoughts from my mind, I turn, my breath hitching at the sight.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper, my eyes wide.

He's barely gasping for breath from his run, all those years of training I suppose.

"I forgot to say something before you left."

My eyebrows furrow at Jackson and I grit my teeth at the pain that explodes in my chest. "You could have messaged me."

Why drive all that way to just tell me something that could have been said over the phone?

He shakes his head. "This can't be said over the phone. This has to be said face to face."

I nod, confusion masking my face but I wait for him to continue.

"When you left on the train, my heart sort of just dropped. I didn't understand it at all and I just pushed it aside but then I went back to my new apartment, I sat on the sofa, watched a bit of TV and ate a takeaway and the whole time... something just didn't feel right. You know when you have an itch you can't scratch? Or a song you hum but you can't for the life of you remember what song it is? It was like that. It was after I showered, laying in bed, when I figured it out. I know why I couldn't keep still and why I felt so wrong being in my new home." He steps closer, cupping my cheeks in his hands while my stuttering heart goes in to a frenzy. "You weren't there Elizabeth. You are my home and you weren't with me and it hurt like hell."

I opened my mouth, my mind spinning and my heart pounding like a wild animal is trying to beat its way out of my chest.

When I don't answer he continues. "I drove here, way over the speed limit, banged on your house, woke up your parents. They didn't know where you were but they said you were leaving for Plymouth, to live there. I searched all over town, the train station, the bus station, asking everyone if they had seen you. Looked like a madman while doing so, looked even worse when they replied no. I was going out of my mind before I realised you'd be here. Elizabeth..."

"Do you know how Elliot died?" I turn back to the river, taking a step closer to the bridge, ignoring his words and the fluttering in my heart and stomach.

"Liz!" He calls out panicked, grabbing my hand tightly.

"I'm fine." I whisper, squeezing his hand. He exhales in relief.

"He.... he..." He trails off in confusion. "I don't know. I don't think anyone knows."

"I know." My voice cracks.

It was silent, just the wind rushing past our ears, whispering and yelling. The river was screaming as gallons of water was swept away in the deep channel, yelling at me to not expose the secret that had been kept in my family for over a year. A secret we didn't want this forsaken town knowing.

"It was here." I swallow the lump in my throat, my vision blurring. "We always came here, to just hang out. Quality twin time away from everyone. He asked me to come here one day but I had plans with my friend. I wanted to go to the cinema and he said it was fine, that he didn't want to go to the cinema. Turns out he came here, all alone and he fell... or slipped. No one knows the details but one second he was on this bridge and the next he was dead in the water." I turn back to him, my cheeks wet as tears stream down them. "I should have been here with him. I should have gone with him."