MARIGOLD |H.S. AU|

CHAPTER TEN

I feel like me and Harry have established some sort of 'Friends with Benefits' thing now. We don't hate each other, we're just clearly attracted to each other, and we were acting as if it's inevitable that it's was going to happen again between us, which is fairly realistic.

It's weird, feeling like I just have something I can rely on, something to distract me. He's not asking about my issues, and I don't give a fuck about his, but if one of us needs to take our mind off something, we can. With each other.

That isn't necessarily what has happened previously with us, before we just got completely lost in the moment, drowning in the overwhelming magnetic pull that seems to surround us whenever we're alone.

It's fucking stupid to deny it, he's hot. So, fucking hot. And if I deny it, it doesn't get me anywhere. There's also the fact that he makes me come, which is always good. I might as well take advantage of his talents while I've got them in my grasp.

After he left my dressing room, Rosie had a lot of fucking questions. I obviously couldn't tell her what had actually happened, she thinks me and Lou are in an 18-month long relationship. I just blagged it off that we were talking about designs and looks for an upcoming shoot. She immediately caught me out and said that she knows my schedule so I'm, and I quote, "Full of Bullshit.".

I can't tell her the truth, so I just have to tell her that nothing's going on, despite me and Harry's noticeable blushed cheeks and swollen lips.

She eventually stops nagging me, and I know she won't tell anyone about her suspicions, Rosie knows better than that. She knows all of the messed-up shit I've got myself into over the years, all my struggles, and creating fresh drama would only complicate her life as much as mine. That's why we work so well together now, we understand each other.

When I'm in the midst of the show, it's like a whirlwind of chaos. Things are going well, people seem to be responding well, but I can't focus. Not in the sense that its throwing me off or making me mess things up, in the sense that I have one thing on my mind, and it's the only thing keeping me calm.

I see him in my mind when I'm rushing backstage trying to change. People are pushing and directing me, calling my name, and I respond, quicker than I usually do, but I'm not really there. It's not a daydream, because I'm more present than I've ever been, it's like I'm in a trance.

When I'm walking my eyes are drawn to his immediately. He's looking into my eyes hungrily, glancing over my body, taking pictures of me. Having him watching so intensely makes me work even harder. It was probably the best walk I've ever done.

I don't even notice the audience as I'm walking down the catwalk and the celebrities that are sat so close to me are the last thing on my mind. I thought I'd be shitting myself and walking like Bambi, but I'm too focussed and determined. Because of him.

It's like I subconsciously know I can't let him down; like my body won't physically let me.

Knowing his eyes were on me at all times sort of calmed me. It was like a protective shield, allowing me to not be distracted by any of my anxieties, to show everyone what I can do.

This undeniable attraction between us was something that was keeping me grounded. It was the weirdest feeling. But with this strength of empowerment I felt when he looked at me, I also felt an overwhelming need to be near him, feel his skin on mine. It was the weirdest combination, but it created the best sensation erupting through my body, coursing through my veins. Something I know I would never feel again without him.

I know I'm only young, so how would I know that? But it's not the feeling of knowing this is the most powerful thing I'll ever feel, it's not a competition. It feels more like something unique, one of a kind. Like even if I find something better, this raw chemistry and attraction is something I will never feel again like this. It's just for us.