MARIGOLD |H.S. AU|

CHAPTER TWELVE

TW- This Chapter has mild references to drug and alcohol abuse, suicide and anxiety.

Like always, no story is more important than your health. If you need to skip this chapter I understand completely and I'm always a message away if you want to talk or would like me to summarise the chapter for you. 

The references are only mild, but I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable, and it will probably dive a bit deeper into these topics in upcoming chapters.

I'll stop rambling now so you can read the chapter!! I love you very much <3

PUT YOURSELVES FIRST, YOU DESERVE IT. 

It's been a week since Harry walked out of my apartment. I haven't heard from him, and any info I've had about our trip to Milan has been sent to me through my Dad.

The plane tickets he booked, the hotel reservation, the timetable for the fittings when we get there, but he got my Dad to forward me the emails. It's like he's just cut all communication from me, and I don't know how to feel about it.

I'm obviously going to see him again at some point, but he's just avoiding communication with me as much as he can, and I can't understand it.

Today was the first day I'm seeing him since then, and for some ridiculous reason, I'm so fucking nervous.

I'd spent the week with Louis and Meredith, as they came back the morning after Harry and Zayn came over. Louis had taken her to a hotel off the radar in Brighton, so they could have some alone time, something they don't do as often as they should to escape the confines of the press in the city.

Louis covers it by saying he's going off somewhere quiet to write some new music which keeps Martin out of the loop, and he doesn't question it, in fact he wants him to do that.

When they found me passed out on the sofa when they walked through the door they were really concerned. They rushed over to me once they saw me and shook me to wake me up. They over-exaggerated of course, I was just asleep, but I understand why they did what they did. I've put them both through hell over the years, and when I'm not asleep in my own bed, alarm bells go off for them.

They know that when I've not made the effort to walk into my own bed, somethings wrong, there's a reason why I'm unable to get into bed, and they start to panic.

In all honesty I just fell asleep watching T.V., and I apologised too much to them which they of course brushed off and told me not to worry, they didn't want me to feel guilty. I've just made them so anxious as to what they're going to walk in on when I've been left alone for a few nights, it's why they rarely ever leave, and I know that. Although they tell me that this is the only place that they are safe, I know it's a lie.

Meredith, Louis and I had a good week though, and I rarely ever thought about Harry, I didn't tell them what happened, but I'm pretty sure I heard Louis on the phone to Zayn the other day, and between the two of them I can bet they put two and two together, especially them having found me on the sofa the next morning.

Louis made us lots of food over the past week, Zayn came back over again to cook another meal for us too. He didn't mention anything about Harry, which is why I guessed that Louis and Zayn had figured out that I didn't want to talk about it and that I just wanted to move on from it.

It felt nice to spend time with them with no pressure. Because I had the tour planned, Martin was leaving us alone for a while, so we all got to chill out at the apartment over those few days, it was like a week off, and I loved it.