Behind His Smile ( Boys From Hell #4)

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How does it feel when you're on the verge of losing everything? When you're standing on the brink , the things you were so sure about suddenly seems so vague. You were admiring the planets but you forgot all about the sun. You forgot the planets were getting the light , energy from the sun and if the sun falls. . .so will the planets. And then you wonder. .wonder if all those planets even mattered in the first place?

All this time it was the sun.

What mattered was the sun. The one giving light .

Did you ever wonder?

Just like he was wondering.

Everything was flashing in front of his eyes . .all the condescending lines he said. .every single foul word that spilled from his mouth. . .that had broken her apart. . little by little. .bit by bit. It was he who took the light out of her eyes. Didn't she beg in silence not to let her shatter ? Not to kill her ? Not to trample her belief......on him.

He had seen her lips move. .like a prayer. She was calling God for help.

And he had laughed .

The smile she had been wearing from the past month had been strangled. Snatched heartlessly. She resembled a nightmare. The incarnation of a deathly dream . Staring at him . .the love in her eyes diminishing and he knew. .knew what he did . It was a cold blooded murder. A silent death. No one heard her scream .

No one saw her crying for help.

Because it happened in utter chaotic silence. Standing there. . looking at him. . asking to be saved from the humiliation. The jeering. . . and he let her fall. He let his sun fall into abyss. She broke because he let her. .
. .fall .

And now he was looking at himself in the mirror. He was a reflection of her now. He was the one now silently begging to be saved . He was the one now calling upon God. His planets had fallen one by one until he had nothing left. The look in eyes so haunted . .no one could have recognized him. .the bloodshot eyes staring back. .so hollow. .so empty. .it scared him.

"10$ if you say you love me?" Her voice cracked in his head . .a rich warm laugh. . surrounding him from all sides.

The laugh was going high and high until it morphed into scream.

A streak of pain pounded through his temples and he clutched at his head with both hands. .his breath slowing down. .he didn't realize he was gasping for air. .

"Stop. .stop . . please. ." He rasped to no one.

"This-this kinda stuff happens in dream. If I told Gloria she would never believe me."

The belief in her voice ripped through his heart until he couldn't stand anymore.

His legs gave out.

The star footballer fell on the wooden floor, scraping his knees.

"Zachary Smith, promise me you'll always be there for me?"

His shoulder shook with so much force he had trouble in breathing. The wet tears spilling on his cheeks seemed worthless to him. They had no worth in his eyes. .he could cry all he wanted he could weep like a newborn baby. .and it would mean nothing! He was ready to do all that if only. ..if only he could get her back. .

The silent tears turned into sobbing. His heart was being wrenched, shattering inside and there was no one he could turn to. There was no one who would listen to his fears , his anguish. He was all alone.

Alone with his sin.

How would he stand with what was riding on his shoulders? How would he look at his hands? Couldn't they see they were red?

He could see the blood on them.

A murderer! He was a murderer!

The sin in him was growing in size every second. Growing. . growling. . gaining power. .his guilt feeding it until it leaped out of him and bared it's fangs . . reminding him of what he had done. It was like his soul was chained to the demon .

It was whipping him by giving him flashbacks of the past month.

He was trapped. Trapped in his own body. The demon whipping him hard . . scorching his flesh till it turned raw. And he wanted to be ripped open. His flesh to be branded by hot iron.

The fight in him was dying.

The will to live.

The will to survive.

Slowly, he glanced up. His red rimmed eyes looking at the bed. The object lying on his bed. . he could see the metallic gleam from here. See the cold glint of it.

In an instant, he made up his mind.

Pushing his weight off the floor, he stood up and his legs nearly gave out but he leaned against the wall for support. . breathing hard. . taking his time. .

But he didn't have time.

He didn't want to have time.

With unsteady feet, he moved towards the bed .

You deserve this, the demon whispered softly.

"This is nothing. Nothing at all against what I did." He said . .more like whispered to himself.

What are you waiting for? Do it!

He nodded . .his hand reaching out and taking the cold metallic pistol in his grip, his fingers curling around it.

It was as cold as death.

As hard as ice.

Heartless like he had been. .

He stared at the pistol . . .stared until it turned blurry.

Remember , your sin is greater than this!

His blue eyes turned blurry . .they glossed over. .

"You know, I'll never get why people betray each other ?"

He shut his eyes and the tears slipped. . slithering down. .on to the surface of the pistol. .

Slowly, he raised the gun.

And strangely his hand didn't shake at all.

"I'm sorry. .I'm so sorry. .I never meant for it to happen . Know that I have seen my dreams through your eyes . .you're the only one. " His voice broke down hard . He bit the inside of his mouth drawing blood. " Forever and always. To-to infinity and beyond."

No one heard his silent cries.

No one heard anything.

Not even the gunshot.

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