Behind His Smile ( Boys From Hell #4)

.21

| Mia |

I know.

I should have cried and howled . .but I didn't. Strangely , I didn't.

What was happening to me was worse than that. I was dreading going home. Dreading stepping into my empty home.

I would be alone and my heart would attack me from every side. It would get me down to my knees. Forcing me to crumble when I didn't in front of a crowd. When I didn't in front of him. .

But my heart. . .it was as stubborn as I.

It wanted him.

Not me.

It wanted to see him.

Feel him.

It didn't give a damn about me.

I didn't let Gloria know.  I had slipped out quietly from the building . Knowing how delicate she was . . I couldn't see her getting messed up because of me.

I was hardly stable myself.

Hardly holding on to sanity.

My walk to home was aimless. Lifeless. I was dragging my feet as if a living corpse . I know . .I know I looked like a train wreck. A lab experiment gone wrong.  The way people would cast me glance as they passed by me on the pavement told me everything.

Everyone had that look in their eyes . .the is she okay?

How do I tell people . .I couldn't breath. I needed to be surrounded by faces . By strangers. To keep my head occupied.

The only reason I didn't collapse was. .I was still in denial. The no - it - can't - happen -  to - me stage.

Tears stung at my eyes and hastily I shielded my eyes as if I was trying to hide from the sun.

Ah ,Mia . .

You should have known. .you should have. .

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Dumping my bag on the couch , i went straight towards the kitchen to get myself a cup of coffee.

I wasn't going to let the quiet get to me.

My sleeves rolled up , I was about to head towards the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

My heart grew in triple the size and hope began to root up all around me. But even then . .I didn't dare believe it.

Hope was blooming. .

Was it him?

Did he come to say he's sorry?

If he did. .what should my response be like?

He stomped all over me and I was thinking of forgiving him straight away if he asked for it. .

I knew it couldn't happen to me! How could it? I loved him!

Moved towards the door . .my hands were shaking slightly .

It rang again.

"C-coming." My voice shook and I had to clear my throat.

Be cool, Mia.

Cool.

Unlatching the door slowly , i pulled the door open—

"Mia! What happened?! I saw you walking like a zombie and I had to come. Is everything—Mia!!"

Her voice turned into an alarm.

Because. .

I burst into tears.

I couldn't hold it anymore! I couldn't act like I was alright ! I wasn't ! I was shattering inside! There was something in my heart killing me ! Life didn't make any sense! People around me didn't make any difference when I didn't have him by my side. .

Iqra rushed in.

Her thin arms went around my arm as she tried to steady me . To calm me down somehow.

I didn't know how but she took me to the couch.

And I collapsed like a tree that had been cut off of its roots.

I sniffed madly. Trying to stop myself from making a fool out of myself in front of her but by God I couldn't stop. My shoulders shook and my eyes burned.

I was burning down.

Iraq crouched down on the carpet . .beside my feet. .

She took hold of my wet hands as I tried to look away from her.

"Mia. . ." She called me softly.

I kept staring at the wall clock.

Tears slipping down my face.

"I—i'm fine. . really. ." My voice was horse. Raspy.

I didn't believe what I said.

Why would she?

"Did the . . boy broke your heart?" She asked me and I had to look at her.

Her eyes held no pity for me.

She had a tender look on her face.

I bit my bottom lip hard.  nodding.

I couldn't talk without crying.

She rubbed her thumb over my palm in soothing way.

"You. . . loved him. ."

She wasn't asking. She was stating a fact.

I nodded.

I still did. .

That was the thing that was ripping me apart. I still freaking did!

"You know," she said softly ," our prophet said If something disturbs the peace of your heart, give it up." Her voice was quiet.

I always knew she wasn't a kid as she looked like. Her eyes and mind were probably wiser than me.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand harshly.

"That's beautiful and,"— I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "I'll give him up. I just need time."

Iqra smiled sadly.

"I don't like seeing you like this. I have always seen you so strong and upfront." She had sorrow in her eyes.

I had to laugh at that.

"Lesson no 1. If a person cries , it doesn't mean they are weak. It means they have been strong for a very long time and they need a break from reality."

I was not going to make a kid be upset because of my internal affair.

She nodded and I guess she noticed I had calmed down . .for now because she stood up . Her face brightening up with a smile.

"I'll make a cup of coffee for two." She gave me the victory sign and then she went off the the kitchen.

She paused on the way and looked at me over her shoulder.

"No crying over lousy boys okay?"

I have her a thumbs up.

She grinned and vanished into the tiny kitchen.

I leaned back against the couch. My head resting . .my eyes wandering over the ceiling.

I was going to be okay. . .I will make sure I was okay. I wouldn't let him destroy everything. My heart had been clean . .my soul had been truthful to him from the start and what he did to me. .it was his doing. Not mine.

What he did to me wasn't going to affect the person I was.

He chose to be cruel in the face of kindness.

He was not going to change my heart into a bitter sea. I was going to be me. He wasn't there for me like he promised but I was going to be there  for myself.  The Mia people knew would still be the same . I wasn't going to change because he decided to—

The doorbell rang.

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