Single-Blind - Newt (TMR)

Chapter 4 - Experimental Damage

I turned the light on in the map room, which was uncreatively named because the room held the model of the glade and maze that I had created. I quickly changed the pattern of the maze to what the sequence would look like tomorrow after all the walls shifted. After over two years I had memorized every part of this maze, I knew every change and could even predict that route Ben would take tomorrow.

I turned around looking at all the notes I had pinned up over the years, trying to discover the missing piece. It always felt so close but I could never manage to get the whole picture.

A voice came from the door, an unmistakable voice that had its own originality. An accent that was less than subtle in every way. "Are you going mad in here?"

"We're all destined to go mad eventually." I sighed, it was easier to stay mad at him when everyone was around, it was in fact expected by now. But even after all this time, it was different when we were alone. "Maybe it's just my time."

"If you lose your mind, surely half the camp will follow. Gally right behind you." He attempted to joke, but I couldn't find it in me to laugh.

"Bold of you to assume he hasn't already." I cursed myself for smiling. I sat down on the ground, letting my head hit the branches that made up the wall. "I'm supposed to do it. I'm supposed to figure it out. I feel it. It's my job."

"We were all put here. Perhaps it's going to take all of us to discover it too." He came through with his shining positivity.

"It's different- I'm different," I stressed.

"Well, isn't that bloody obvious?" I could hear the smirk on his lips. I knew I shouldn't have looked over to see it, but I did. It was instinct to feed the brain's wants.

I chuckled, "More than just being a girl, Newt. I mean, yes that's part of it. But it doesn't make sense." He sighed, it wasn't the first time he had heard this spiel from me and I knew it worried him too. "Hypothetically, if you wanted you to discover thirty males socially, physically. and mentally reacted to having only one girl in their presence this would work, right? But I would be the variable. One variable. But the maze is a variable and the grievers are another. So I can't be the singular deformity." I tried to explain, but Newt seemed more focused on me than what I was saying. "So if the experiment isn't about me and it's about the maze. Then why bother putting me here unless I was important."

He crossed his arms, attempting to seem sure of himself and righteous, but I always saw my way through it. "This isn't all your responsibility. We are in the experiment. Not just you. And you aren't a variable, you are one of us."

"It took Thomas six hours to remember his name. It took me nine whole days!" I raised my voice slightly in frustration, suddenly letting it out. I hated that I grew so easily emotive around him. I exhaled and continued, "Everyone's name comes back in the first forty-eight except for me. Why couldn't I remember for so long? How much of my brain did they have to wipe for me to forget everything so deeply? What did I know? I feel like I know the answer to the maze but I can't get it."

"You are supposed to think about the maze, not our own existence." Was his only response.

"It's all a maze. Everything is the maze." I massaged my temples, looking at the model.

"When was the last time you slept?" He peered over at me, his voice not judgemental but I knew what he insinuated. He held out a hand, offering to help me up from my ball of stress.

I frowned, at his hand and then at him, "No. Don't do that. Don't treat me like I'm fragile. I'm not something for you to protect."

"I know you can handle yourself." He deeply sighed, "But is it possible to believe you're exhausted?"

"Are you asking as a leader or- as something else?" I cross-questioned.

"Blue-" That name itself was enough to remember all the angry memories, ones that he often caused.

"I've asked you a million times to stop calling me that." We stood there and looked at each other, wondering how I let myself care for this person once upon a time. He never is going to look at me as anything other than a responsibility. "I was different then. I was scared and I came out fighting. It's what I always do. But what if I'm buggin' tired of fighting? We're never getting out. It's not a maze or a labyrinth. It's nothing but a graveyard."

"You can't give up now. Come on, Fi. You said it yourself you are so close." Newt pointed at all the work I had done. "There's no way we made all of this to die. We haven't sacrificed everything for you to just throw in the towel."

"Don't talk to me about giving up on things! You're the one that gave up on me first." I frowned, knowing our history, he knew better. "Congrats, you choose being Alby's right-hand man over me for nothing. We lived through this alone, and now we're all gonna die alone. Please leave."

"I'm sorry." He didn't even care enough to defend himself.

"Sorry doesn't mean anything if you don't regret it." I wanted him to deny something, tell me that he did, after all this time learn from all the hurt he caused. "You would do it all over again, wouldn't you?"

He just looked at me, no words, no actions, not even a single emotion on his face. His motives were clear now, he made sure of it a long time ago. "Once again, get out."

He didn't move a muscle, he just stood there looking at me. I couldn't stand his dark brown gaze on me anymore, all it became was distracting from my work. "Fine, I'll leave."

I grabbed my notebook off the table and charged past him, making a point to even shut off the light. Leaving him in the dark, maybe he could learn the feeling

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Sorry, this chapter was shorter, I wanted to preserve its importance.

B