Edelweiss || Bucky x Reader

Chapter Thirty One

1945
Day 795

It's so cold without him. So empty. We've been separated before, but this is different. I don't think I'm going to see him again. At first I cried. Then I begged. Now I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Should I hope he'll be safe now? That if I do what they want they won't hurt him?

No.

Hope is for people who can afford to lose. Hope will kill him.

But there's not much else to feel. You can't mourn the living. So maybe it's better to not feel at all.

That's the series of questions I've been asking myself over and over since they threw me into this cell 20 days ago. ...or was it 19? There's no window to count the sunrises like we had before. I wouldn't still be here if there were. I'm keeping track of how many times they've brought me food, but it's so easy to lose count. I don't know. I don't know anything. Where I am? The year? Month? If the war's over? It's genius, actually. They say anything and I'll have no way of knowing if it's true. Fuck, Steve could be alive and well. But he could also be dead, and I'm not ready to mourn him twice. I don't know why I'm so caught up on it. It's not like I'm going to get the truth anyways.

All I know is that it's cold.

I lay my head down on the steel bench that serves my bed.

Where do we go from here?

A sad sigh escapes me as I run my finger along cracks in the cinderblock walls left by my fists.

We don't go anywhere.

Not without their permission.

The steel door erupts with pounding from the other side, ringing in its metal frame and echoing throughout the small cell. More mind games, but nothing new. Breakfast is here.

"AGAINST THE WALL!"

I guess it's day 21.

I do as instructed, placing my palms on the concrete. The door's hinges squeal under it's weight. The metal plate clatters as it's placed on the ground, followed by a half empty cup. I expect the door to close, but it doesn't.

Instead, a familiar voice speaks.

"There are vitamins there." He says. "Take them."

I don't have the energy to be afraid. Still, my body tenses at his words.

"No pet names?" I ask quietly. My hands begin to shake against the wall. I don't doubt he notices.

"I thought you didn't like them, my Edelweiss." He chuckles softly, his voice getting closer.

"I don't." I whisper, mostly for myself.

The door finally closes, but he hasn't left.

"Do not hide from me." He commands. "Come, let me see your face."

Shaking hands slip from the wall. My arms wrap tight around my torso. I attempt a deep breath. I fail.

I turn around.

He leans against the wall, chewing a roll of bread. New scars vandalize his already war torn face. His lip has been recently split. Nevertheless, upon seeing me, he breaks into a smile.

"It's been too long since I've seen you like this." He sighs contently. "I visited you, while you were frozen. Watched over you... old habits are not so easily broken, I suppose." He gestures to my food. "Eat."

My eyes drift from him to the plate by his feet. Bread, strips of dried meat, and now three colorful capsules. A true feast. I walk slowly towards it, hesitantly keeling in front of him to pick it up. A chuckle comes from above me that I'm sure he wanted me to hear. It takes damn near the last of my strength, but I pick up the plate and walk to the bench with my back to him. His chuckle falls silent.

I sit, facing him again, pushing myself into the corner. The food sits next to me. Untouched.

"Your boyfriend did that to me." He says through a mouth full, pointing to his lip. "You should tell him to apologize."

"I won't have the chance." I say, near silently.

"Oh, yes, that's right." He grins. "A tragedy."

I look away as I blink back the first tears I've felt in weeks.

Not here.

Not now.

And not for him.

"I told you to eat." He says in a warning tone.

"I'm not hungry." I mumble truthfully, pushing it away from me and avoiding his eyes.

"Hunger does not breed strength." He states, mater of fact.

"Isn't that a shame." I scoff. A sudden burst of recklessness hits me, and I look right at him. "You know what, give me a single reason to keep myself alive."

"Simple." He says. "You aren't allowed to die."

I look away from him again, because he's right.

He sighs, shaking his head. "You will eat, one way or another. Be glad we have been so tolerant of your stubbornness. Eat. Take the vitamins. Then we will leave."

"What are you going to do, huh?" I ask hopelessly, picking up a strip of meat and turning it over in my fingers. "You gonna freeze me again?"

He grins.

"Sweet flower, where we are going, you will wish you were frozen."