Her Bodyguard

Chapter 23

Maya's POV:

Jackson seemed really upset when I accidentally confessed my undying love for him. So upset to the point where we haven't talked in 3 days. THREE DAYS! What? He won't speak to me instead he actually does his job. I think I screwed everything up. I didn't mean to say it aloud. It just slipped. I don't even know if I actually love him. All I know is that I have a crush on him. A big crush on him. Love is such a strong word, and I'm young. Do I even know what love is? Probably not honestly. I didn't grow up with parents who loved each other how am I suppose to know if I love someone romantically. I always think about him before going to sleep and right when I wake up but that doesn't mean I'm in love. I don't want to sound stupid or dense but I'm just confused. What if I don't even love myself. How would I love him?

He makes me smile all the time even though he acts grumpy 24/7. I don't think he actually stays grumpy. I think he just likes that persona he's always had. Maybe I scared him off. He probably thinks I'm some love sick teenager. When he first became my bodyguard I had a whole different personality. Now that I got to know him I can be myself. Well it ain't like he can go somewhere. I'm technically his job. Should I apologize for accidentally spilling my guts? That would make it worse. I can't just say
'Hey Jackson remember when I said I love you yeah I didn't mean it that was an accident' I'm pretty positive that would make matters ten times worse. No. One hundred times worse. God, I've been thinking about this for hours. I'm sitting on my balcony looking at the sky thinking. That's all I do anymore is think think and more thinking

At least it's pretty out tonight. The sky is filled with beautiful stars.

"Big man upstairs if you could uhh I don't know um give me some advice, I would be greatly appreciative. You probably understand boys better than I do. Who am I kidding? You understand everything better than I do." I say looking at the sky laying on my hammock. Unfortunately the big man upstairs never answers me. I think he might be ignoring me. He probably knows how bad I messed up too.

I wake up sweating not realizing I fell asleep outside. The sun is shining down on my face making soaked in my own sweat. Ew. I walk slowly to my bathroom moping around my room gathering a change of clothes.

I get into the shower and sit down in the floor, letting the water trickle down my face and body. I reach up and grab my shampoo and conditioner and lather it on my greasy sweaty head. I rinse it out and stay seated in the shower. I hope he don't tell my dad. If he does than I'm never going to see him again. My dad will assign him a different job, one far away from me. I stand up and step out of my shower. I dry off and brush my teeth and change into a pair of jeans and a tee shirt.

I decide it's probably best if I go find Jackson. I walk over to his room and find nothing. He's not there and he's room looks empty?

"Dad" I holler out.

"I'm in my office" I hear him grumble. I sigh and walk to his office.

"Have you seen Jackson?" I ask trying to act calm.

"Actually that's what I need to talk to you about" he states. "Jackson is no longer your bodyguard" I feel like my chest is being crushed. "He requested I give him a different job. I'm not sure why, I thought it was going great with y'all but he insisted until I finally caved." He says with a sigh. Jackson left? Jackson left me. My sunshine left me? This is my fault.

"This is all my fuckin fault" I deadpan and my dad looks confused. "I did this" I scream "I made him fuckin leave" my voice cracks at the end.

"Maya, Jackson has been through a lot maybe he just needed a break" he states calmly. Of course he's calm Maya a voice says in my head. He knows where he is.

"Whatever" I snap and walk out. God, why did I have to be so dumb and say that I'm in love with him. It wasn't a lie but I should've never said it aloud. Now my life is screwed up and I don't know what to do.

It's been 4 days since he left. I've heard absolutely nothing. I stay bored, I have no one to talk too. I still cry every night and almost days. It feels like he died, even though he didn't. The days are kind of merging together. My dad keeps trying to talk to me but I won't budge. Why would I? He the one that let Jackson leave willingly. This is all so stressful.

I feel like Bella in new moon when Edward leaves. I'm literally living the exact same scene over and over again. I wake up, take a shower, eat one pierce of toast and go back to bed.

If this is what 'love' feels like I don't want it.

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I DONT EDIT.

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