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PROM QUEEN: DOES SHE FEEL LIKE HOME TO YOU?
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THE IMPULSIVENESS THAT DEFINED HIM had a familiar companion alongside it as he found his arm interlocked with one belonging to a ginger-haired girl, the bitter liquid traveling down his throat to intoxicate his bloodstream; the undeniable want to be deprived of all human emotion so that his mind could stop wandering back to her whenever he was left alone with his own thoughts.
Having romantic feelings for another person was foreign to JJ, all he knew was platonic love and even that was still difficult for him to grasp the entire concept of. He'd never really been given a shot at figuring out how to express his feelings, especially in a healthy manner given the havoc that was the Maybank household. While he couldn't exactly remember the first few years of his life, something in his gut told him that the violence in that house was always present one way or another.
Though he hadn't been old enough to remember the day his mother up and left, the years that followed were traumatic enough to help fill that gap. While there was no solid evidence that proved his father had likely driven the woman away with his testosterone that he never seemed to get in check, JJ knew it played a huge role.
It wasn't entirely Luke Maybank's fault, though, or any of his fault (that's what he typically claimed when the subject was brought up). JJ knew he was partially, if not entirely responsible for his mother gathering up the courage to leave. At first, he refused to accept the ludicrous words that his father often shouted at him during their many arguments, but eventually, it began to make sense. Why was it that she left when she did? How come she stuck around for the first few years of Liliana's life but not his? Why couldn't she bear the thought of mothering him?
He drove people away. That was the only logical answer to the question he repeatedly asked himself. And for that reason alone, he convinced himself that it was ridiculous to grow attached to anything when the likelihood of it being torn from him was high.
It explained why he didn't do relationships and avoided catching feelings altogether. He was scared of committing to someone only for them to decide one day that he wasn't enough and leave him just like his mother had. He always had his guard up, it provided him a sense of security that helped him realize he was in control. He liked sleeping around just like any other teenage boy and the best part about it was that he never had to speak to the girl once the sex was over.
