Epic Scenes I've Written in the Past

Me as a Final Girl in a Horror Movie

Author's Note: This is literally a shitpost chapter. I just thought this would be funny. All character names are just made up and I'm just trying to entertain myself.

Author's Note Edit: Just found out my lovely girlfriend is Trans and now my lovely boyfriend, so his name and pronouns changed in this chapter. I'm so proud of him, and I'll be with him every step of the way. 💜💜

⊰᯽⊱┈──╌❊╌──┈⊰᯽⊱

Tiffany: "Hey Alise, wanna have some fun with us?~"

Me: "Uuuhm, no. People who drink, do drugs and fuck within the first few minutes die, so I'd much rather not." I shrugged a little. "Besides, my boyfriend isn't here. It'd be pointless."

꧁༻𖠁𖠁༺꧂

Maggie: "With this amulet, there's no telling what he could do!"

Me: "Well Maggie, since the amulet is clearly of Demonic nature, either we destroy it somehow by Human means that shouldn't even work, we yeet it into Holy Water, or I could just stride into Hell myself and tell Lucifer that one of his necklaces got stolen. He hates when things of his go missing."

꧁༻𖠁𖠁༺꧂

Tim: "Holy shit... How are we supposed to do these things in 24 hours?!"

Me: "Tim, there's only 10 things to do, and there's 5 of us. We could all split up and do each task individually? Jesus Christ that I don't even believe in."

꧁༻𖠁𖠁༺꧂

James: "Well... At least... We're in this situation together, Alisibeth..." He leans towards me.

Me: Placing a hand on his chest to stop him. "Woah, hey hey hey Romeo, slow it down. I'm flattered, but I'm Gay." I looked to the side for a moment before correcting myself. "Okay, well, Panromantic and Demisexual; but I'm not into you."

꧁༻𖠁𖠁༺꧂

Taylor: "Well... At least we're in this together, right Alisibeth?" She clings to me in like, some kinda hug out of terror.

Me: "Hey, woah there Sweetheart. You're cute and all, but I have a boyfriend." I very gently separate from her. "I'm super flattered, but I'm not the one for you hunny. Too much baggage on my end."

꧁༻𖠁𖠁༺꧂

Brooklyn: "No one knows what this killer's motive could be..."

Me: "Well let's see; it could be a Michael Myers type thing and be a curse set on them, it could be a Jason Voorhees thing and they're doing it to avenge a parent, it could be a Hannibal Lector thing and they only kill and eat rude people, it could be a Leatherface thing and they're doing it to protect their family, or it could be a Vincent Sinclair thing and they were abused and have no outlet."

Everyone who's still alive: Looks at me, fully surprised.

Me: Shrugs lazily. "That, or it's a Freddy Krueger thing and they just wanna be a bitch."