Coffee Shop

Twenty

Chapter Twenty| Camil
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"When did it begin?"

"Well I....I took my first drug when I was thirteen- it was weed." I tell my therapist who sits in front of me.

"Why?"

"Well you know my dad used to beat my mother and I. Smoking weed made me forget, it made me feel calm." I shrug, playing with the ring around my finger. "I started doing coke a couple years later, when I began to realise that nothing good was going for me."

"There's always something in your life that is good, Camil." Yeah and she fucking left me because I was a dick. "From what I've gathered over a few of our sessions is that your family care about you immensely, however, I can see something else is playing on your mind. Would you like to share that with me today?"

"A few years ago I saw a girl and she changed my life." I say, staring at my hands which sit on my lap.

"What's her name?"

"Angel." I chuckle. "She really lives up to her name. She was my angel." I whisper and look up at Susan who smiles gently.

"Was? Past tense. Why is that?" Susan tilts her head.

As I talk with Susan, I have to be careful with what I say. To her I'm just a normal person, she doesn't know that I'm a criminal and that I kill people for a living. If I was to tell her that now I know in the next hour I'd be sat in a prison cell.

"I relapsed one night a-and we had a disagreement. I said some nasty things to her so she left, she'd put up with my shit for too long and I took her love and kindness for granted." I admit. "She has a daughter-Little Lauren I call her. She is Angel's top priority, so I don't blame her for leaving. I'm toxic to be around."

"What caused you to relapse?"

"I believed a lie about her. I jumped to conclusions without discussing it with her, I didn't let my girl explain her side of the story." I begin to clench my fists, angry with how I've treated her.

"How long has it been since you've seen Angel?"

I make direct eye contact with Susan. "A month." I bite my lip and she slowly nods her head.

"How does that make you feel?"

I take a second to think another it. "Lonely. Sad. Angry." I mumble.

"It must be difficult for you to try and move on?" I furrow my eyebrows at her weird question.

"Move on? I have no intentions of moving on from her." I scoff. "I could never love anyone else the way I love her, ever!"

"I see. How did you meet Angel?" I watch Susan begin to write on her notepad and I roll my eyes.

"She was a nurse in a hospital I was admitted to after I- after I had relapsed." I run my hands down my face. "Look I don't really want to go into detail about Angel's private life, okay. Long story short, I met her a few years later at her coffee shop. At the end of the day she doesn't deserve a piece of shit like me, she's been through enough trauma in her life already."

"She would be so proud that you are one month sober." I scoff at her words.

"Yeah just like all the other times I was one month sober." I laugh but by the look on Susan's face she doesn't find this amusing one bit. "Angel never judged me, she managed to deal with my flaws and just my annoying self in general. Sometimes I wondered why she cared about me so much."

"I seem to think it may be the abuse from your father that's is blocking you from realising how many people care about you. At such a young age he managed to manipulate you into thinking you can't be loved when that is far from the truth, Camil. When your brother came to find me I could tell you meant a lot to him." She smiles gently and I nod my head.