Pins and Needles | Todoroki Shoto | S/H

A Pale Dance Dusted Rose

・・・　・・・　・・・

     It was beautiful.
     Shoto didn't really know what to expect.  All he had known of the routine were her sketches of the key positions she needed to hit.  It was so much different actually watching it.  
     It was kind of freaky how flexible she was.  He never really thought about it much, so her bending backward and creating an actual circle with her body was interesting.  That was when it kind of hit him that her flexibility was not just a little more than average.  
     She finished on the floor, one leg thrown over the other.  
     "My legs are gonna be hanging off the stage."  She tells him.  "But I can't do that here so..."  She pauses for a moment and looks away.  "What do you think?"  
     "It's amazing,"  Shoto says simply.  
     "You can tell me what you actually think about it."  (Y/N) claims.  "I'd rather fix something than look stupid."  
     "If I see anything I dislike, I'll make sure to let you know."  She stares at him for a moment, waiting for the follow-up, only to smile when there wasn't one.  
     "You're too sweet, Sho."
     "Just truthful."  She continued to grin at him, eyes flickering over his face as he relaxed.  After a moment, her eyes trailed to the floor.  She blinks, then sighs.  
     "What happened at the licensing exam?"  (Y/N) asks.  "I can tell you want to talk about it and this is probably the most private we can get right now."  
     "I don't want to waste your time."  
     "You're not wasting my time, Sho!"  She tells him.  "You're not wasting my time.  I am genuinely concerned about you and I want to listen to make sure you're okay."  She didn't really realize she had grabbed his hands until he squeezed back, but she still didn't let go.  
     "We took the time to come to this gym, we might as well use it.  We should train instead."  
     "Fine. We'll train while we talk, okay?  I'll stretch.  You can try to regulate the gym's temperature without using physical fire or ice."  
     "How would I do that?"
     "By purposefully making your own body an extreme temperature.  So if you wanna heat the room, you make your skin extremely hot, and use just a bit of your right so you don't get burned.  How does that sound?"  Shoto sighs.  
     "Alright."  
     "Okay.  I'm a little warm, yeah?  What happened at the licensing exam?"  Shoto huffs in a breath.  
     "He said my eyes are the same as my father's."  He states.  "The wind user from Shiketsu."  She nods her head slowly, eyes sheening as she waited for him to continue.  "I couldn't control my anger.  So much hatred...  I was childish, arguing with him when there was a villain just in front of us.  It frustrated me so much that my only legacy is my father.  He didn't recognize my power or my abilities, all he could say was that I remembered him of my father."  
     Shoto sighs again, cooling his body down even more and trying to counteract the heat from his left.  
     "I see."  She murmurs.  "I don't really know how to word this, per se, but I think your worries are delusional, dear."  He opens his eyes and looks at her.  She was bent forward in a split.  "Probably shouldn't word it like that but that's what came to mind."  
     "What do you mean my worries are delusional?"  She shifts to switch which leg was forward.  
     "You don't know this guy."  She says simply.  "It's completely random for him to recognize you because of that.  It's more likely that he's had a bad experience with Endeavor and hates him.  Have you ever heard the phrase, 'like father, like son'?  Children usually reflect their parents, so, naturally, he would assume you must be like your dad.  From there, it's pure confirmation bias."  
     She leans forward, putting her elbows on the ground and leaning on them.  She was still in the splits, this time down the middle.  
     "You're insecure."  She states.  
     "What makes you say that?"  
     "Are you like your father?"  His brows furrow at the ridiculous question and the sudden change of topic.
     "Of course I'm not."
     "Does your father think you're like him?"
     "Definitely not."
     "So why do you care if he thinks your eyes are similar to Endeavor's?"  She asks.  She pushes herself up with a huff.  "No matter how much of a douche he may be, he's your biological father.  No-duh your eyes resemble his.  I spend a lot of time looking at you and I can say with certainty that the emotion behind your eyes compared to whatever that dude has going on are very different.  Maybe to an outsider who simply wants to hate you, it could be misread, but that's not reality.  It's dysmorphia."  
     Shoto looks away, truly trying to process the words.  He knew she was right, so why did he still doubt it?  Why did the implication still make him angry?  It was infuriating that he'd been so immature in that situation, that something so stupid could stir him.  
     Her hand snapped him out of his head.  She stared at him, her right hand resting on his left.  It immediately made him realize how warm he was getting.  He mumbled an apology and cooled the room as much as he could.  
     (Y/N) picks up his hand, looking down at it and away from his face.  Her fingers flittered across his as she traced lines and ridges.  It made his stomach twist.  
     "Are you perfect, Sho?"  She asks.  "No.  Because that's a stupid question.  So why are you so concerned with trying to pretend you are?  With trying to become perfect?"  She curls his fingers over and presses against his loose fist.  Her eyes glanced up for only a moment.  "Perfection is annoying.  Because no matter if it is perfect, you won't think it is.  Because perfect is subjective to begin with.  Your opinions will change.  What may be perfect one day will be scum the next.  There is no perfect.  And we don't truly want perfect.  We enjoy indulging and reading about chaos, rising through tragedy.  That's not perfect.  But it's great."  
     "I love you."  
     (Y/N) falters, blinking a few times as she looks up.  Her face twitched with confusion.  Her cheeks dusted pink as the words finally registered.  
     "Wh-"
     "I love you."  
     "Shoto, y-"
     "I mean it."  She stares at him for a long few moments.  
     "What are you saying?"  She asks with a chuckle, but it was awkwardly perplexed.  "That came out of nowhere."  
     "I've known since the Sports Festival, I just didn't know how."  
     "What?"
     "I didn't know what kind of love it was, but I knew whatever it may be, I loved you.  Whether a good friend or a sibling or a mentor.  I didn't know if I actually loved you as a person or if I was attached to the idea of help."  
     "Shoto, you're not making any sense."  
     "No, I think you're just shocked."  He states.  "Don't you realize how much you've changed me?  Do you think I would've asked you to stay the night with me so I could hold you at the beginning of the year?  Even if I had known you then, could you ever see me doing that?  I can hold a conversation with my father now.  I don't mind telling him what I think, but I don't let my dislike for him poison my words.  I'm not overly cruel to people anymore.  Even during the licensing exam, I couldn't help but wonder what your expression would be if you had seen what was going on.  I couldn't even imagine disappointment on your face but the thought of it hurt."  
     He sighs, leaning back.  He pulls his hand out of her stilled hold to run it through his hair, eyes closing. 
     "I really do feel relaxed when you're around.  You just have an aura like calm waters.  It's so peaceful.  I think that's half of why my father and I can even talk now.  Whenever you're around, you just... make the air feel safe.  I don't like telling people about what life has been like with my father and yet, even barely knowing you, I didn't feel any worry expressing it to you.  
     "I've never felt anger like I have when you shared your own situation.  I've never been so curious about someone.  You haven't told me everything, have you?  Your eyes gleam like waves and I know I can't see what's underneath.  And you haven't told me because you think you need to help me without worrying about yourself, that you should be second like we're taking turns sharing stories on the playground.  Is that right?"  
     His eyes opened again.  Their color was more intense than usual.  
     "I didn't realize I wanted to kiss you for a long time."  He says simply, making her face beet red.  "Funny, huh?  I knew I loved you for months but never realized how so.  I can't even describe what I felt when you wanted to try that dance move or whatever it was.  That you could so easily trust me.  You didn't need to test it, to see if I would deliver on my promise.  You simply trusted me.  
     "I've never really... joked around with someone like that before.  There's never been someone who understood the line between banter and seriousness.  There's never been someone who wasn't scared to play back.  
     "I don't like being immature, not really.  And I know that this is immature, but honestly, I genuinely would be okay with marrying you.  I know it's only a joke, and I know I shouldn't take it so seriously.  It's sad how happy it makes me to hear you address me as 'prince' or your husband.  We're only teenagers, but if you offered we marry now, I would accept."  
     Shoto lets out a shaky breath.  (Y/N) blinked at him in shock.  This was very sudden and unexpected.  She'd simply wanted to make sure he was okay, she didn't expect... she didn't expect a proclamation of love.  
     "Where is this all coming from?"  She asks.  "I've never heard you talk like this, Sho."  
     "If I had fallen in love with you from afar, I never would have said anything.  It's because we're friends that I knew it was wrong to keep it.  I've pushed some boundaries I shouldn't have without considering how scary that might be for you.  I'm sorry for that.  I just didn't want this feeling to suddenly come up or you to realize that I had been keeping it from you for so long.  It's inappropriate."  
     He closes his eyes again.  She was so close to him, he couldn't bear to stare at her.  She genuinely looked so caught off guard, which was the last thing he wanted to do to her.  
     His eyes fly open at a hand on his cheek.  (Y/N) cupped his jaw, thumb brushing over his cheekbones.  Then she smiles with a soft laugh.
     "You worry so much."  She whispers.  "Do you really think girls just label their guy friends as their husband?  Either they're both super gay or she has a major crush.  Clearly, you're not gay, so I'll let you take a second to figure that one out."  
     "Please be blunt, (Y/N).  I don't want to misunderstand anything."  She glances away.  
     "I-  Well, I don't know if I'd use 'love,' but I do like you.  I could definitely see myself marrying you in the next few years."  She looks up again, grabbing onto his hand.  "You're just... safe.  Not that being around you makes me feel a specific emotion, but that I'm not scared to express whatever emotion I do feel.  Whether I feel like screaming in joy or sobbing in sadness, I don't worry that you'll be there for it, that you'll listen.  I've never had that before."  
     Her thumbs nervously pressed into his palm, massaging the underlying muscles.  "I don't know if I feel love.  I'm not scared to feel it, I just don't think I would recognize it.  But I do know that whatever our bond is, and no matter what we label it, is special.  We help each other, try to improve the other on their flaws and trust that we can be open about our own.  Hell, even some marriages don't quite have that down.  
     "But... but I don't know if the world is in a place for either of us to be worrying about something like that."  
     "What do you mean?"  Shoto asks hurriedly.
     "Look around, Sho.  This isn't the end of the League.  I just...  I just have this really bad feeling.  A bunch of the members have been arrested and I want to feel relieved, but I'm... terrified.  These villains are extremely powerful and now have direct contact with a bunch of other strong quirks of people who are clearly okay with breaking the law.  There've been some strange bank robberies lately as well.  People are worried it's the Yakuza.  These people have been arrested, but really, we're just helping them expand their social circle.  The world could be falling to shit in mere months.  Worrying about each other might make us irritational; it might muddy our priorities."  
     "What do you want, (Y/N)?"  He asks quietly.  "Do you want to never speak?  Do you want to try a romantic relationship?  What do you want to do?"  She sighs shakily, clambering onto his lap and hugging onto him.  
     "I don't know."  She whispers as he pulled his arms around her.  They both rested their heads into the other's neck.  "I want to be your girlfriend, but I don't want you to prioritize me over civilians in emergency situations.  I don't want you to get so concerned with fixing all of my issues that you neglect your own future."  
     She relaxes against his breathing.  His presence was strong, yet gentle.  
     "I'm okay with pushing the limits of what 'friends' might do."  She mumbles.  "Sitting like this, sleeping like we did yesterday.  Dancing together, helping one another, meeting each other's families.  But I think for right now, let's not get attached to a label that has social expectations.  We're not a couple or dating, where people assume we must hold hands and go out sometimes and kiss.  We just simply... do what we please together.  That might be those things and it might not.  But I know you see romance as making your lover your first and most important concern, and I don't want that."  
     "So you basically want to be a couple, but not call it that so I don't associate with what I'm expected to do?"  He clarifies.
     "Yeah."  He sighs shakily, arms tightening.
     "And you're not going to let me just promise you I won't?"
     "I think it's easier to rewrite that thinking this way.  I trust that you would, but it'll be harder for no reason."  
     "I'm okay with that."  Her face nuzzles farther into his skin.  
     "Okay.  Are you sure?"
     "Yes."  
     "Okay."  
     "Okay."  
     "Okay."
     "Are you just trying to have the last word?"  (Y/N) stifles a laugh.  She takes in a deep breath and smiles as his hand brushes through her hair.
     "Maybe."  
     "Fine then.  Take it."
     "...I love you."  She could feel Shoto shake his head softly in faux disappointment as he chuckled at the choice of words.  
     "Let's go back to the dorms."  She picks up her head and he follows.  She had that cute pout on her lips like she commonly did.
     "You said I could have the last word."  
     "Of the conversation.  I'm changing topics, that doesn't count."
     "I hate that you're right."  
     "Sorry?"  
     "Alrighty then, let's go home, Prince."  
     "That... was really nice to hear."  He murmurs, cheeks dusted rose.  Her face reflected it as she stood up and then helped him.  
     "You're too cute."  
     "Yet it pales compared to you."