☁︎︎• 𝐿𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛 𝑇𝑎𝑟𝑡, 𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑏𝑢𝑟 𝑆𝑜𝑜𝑡 𝑥 𝑜𝑐 • ☁︎︎

41

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."
― Marilyn Monroe

~~~~~~~~

August 10th 2021

Jasper and I sat in a booth in the cafe during her lunch break talking about the wedding. over the summer her, wil, and I had all became really close friends. she even went dress shopping with me, and convinced me to get a traditional dress. 

I was never a fan of traditional wedding dresses because they resembled purity and virginity. I believe that if you are not a virgin on your wedding night, then you should have control over what color dress you wear. however, all the dresses throughout the stores were nothing but bright white. not a single dress in any other shade then pure white. 

I don't have anything against religious people, I just usually don't choose to associate myself with heavily religious people, you know? from ages 5-14 my mom used to force me to go to christian summer camps in hopes of "getting my act together".  I remember the sisters there would shame me for wearing tank tops, and would compare my virginity to objects. Like the chocolate talk. "Ladies, your virginity is like this wrapped piece of chocolate, and you must keep this piece of chocolate wrapped tight until a man who you marry can finally unwrap it" it was bullshit. 

but nevertheless, white was my option. 

Jasper was I think my best friend. Often nights her and her partner Apollo would come over for a movie night with wil and i, and whenever Jasper got to pick, it was always coming of age movies, like Perks of Being a Wallflower. 

In late June Apollo was diagnosed with breast cancer, and so to tribute, I shaved jaspers head and helped her dye it. Apollo's head was already shaved, so they just dyed it a brighter color. I think at the time it was a bright green maybe. Wil and I just got haircuts. I've already shaved my head one too many times. 

As Apollo seems to be getting worse, we don't expect them to make it past May of 22, so we've already started planning winter events for us all to go to. 

After Jasper and I walked home, we all sat down for dinner that Wil had prepared while we were gone. When I had first met wil, he was living alone, therefor his main course used to be store bought noodles with steamed vegetables and that would be the meal. Now, he actually makes his own pasta and practices new dishes every week for us. Except tonight, I noticed that wil hadn't taken a bite of his food. 

"wil, are you going to eat?" i asked, covering my mouth full of food. 

"oh erm, no, i'm not feeling too hungry tonight. I'm actually feeling a little bit ill, infact, i think i'm going to lie down soon." he said quietly. I nodded.

"go rest wil, we'll clean up after dinner" 

and he left the table. 

After walking jasper out to her car, i went to use the bathroom, and before sitting down i saw something. it appeared that there was a little bit of... vomit residue left on the toilet seat? I cleaned it up, used the bathroom, then quietly walked to the bedroom and sat on the mattress next to wil, rubbing his back.

"hey baby?" i whispered. he grumbled a low "hm"

"are you okay? how are you feeling?" i asked. 

"I ate breakfast earlier and threw up. I don't really want to eat for a little bit incase it happens again, you know, incase i'm sick. I'll be fine by tomorrow night." he said in a low tone.

"you probably ate a bad egg or something, we didn't go to the store yesterday." i said.

"I know, i just don't want to risk it." he said quietly, then became quiet again. 

I stayed a wake, journaling for about 30 minutes, before drifting off to sleep, lightly resting against the warmth of wil's back. I'm getting married.