If only (trans reader x Peter parker)

(53)

a/n:

chapter 53 is officially brought to you by my crippling fear of being left alone with my catholic family today.... in other words it's easter at the time i'm writing this and i'm a hellenic pagan lmao. love you nerds, let's get on to the chapter.

also, i know this chapter is a bit short, i'm getting back into the swing of things. more chapters have yet to come!

story:

i parked my car and headed back into the complex and to banner's lab. i've been fighting the urge to call him brulk all day and its only getting harder to do. i set down the small paper cup on the desk nearest to me and walked over to where bruce was hunched over some papers. "what're we working on?" i asked, scanning them for anything that stuck out to me. "i've gotta finish fine tuning the tunnel, why dont you go catch up with everyone else?" he asked. "you're the only one who i've never had a disagreement with. what if i got called back and within the first day i get kicked out?" i questioned. "you'll be fine. i'll be done in a few hours anyway. your old room hasnt been touched since you left if you wanna go check that out." he suggested, practically pushing me out the door. i grabbed my coffee and agreed leaving the lab and heading for my old room. surely something in there would still fit enough for me to go train.

i was very wrong. everything was either too short or too tight. admitting my defeat, i headed over to steve's room and knocked on the tall wooden door that separated us. "what's up?" he asked, pulling the door open and leaning on the empty frame. "do you have a spare change of training clothes?" i asked, biting the inside of my cheek. he nodded, motioning for me to follow him. i did so, walking into his room and following him to the closet that stood against the off white walls. i'd never seen his room, not even when i lived here. there were photos on the walls in old times frames. tickets from old baseball games, photos of the war. even an old captain america poster. it was nice, he tried to keep the memories alive, even just to himself. without word, steve turned around and handed me a shirt and some pants. "if you need anything else, just ask." he said, avoiding eye contact. something felt off. his face was red, his eyes were red too. like he has been crying... because he had. he was upset.

"steve, are you ok?" i asked. he opened his mouth to talk but instead of words, a silence fell as warm tears rolled down his face. i put the clothes down and pulled him into a hug as he stood, crying with his arms hanging by his side. "everyone expects me to be so strong all the time, i'm the one that everyone comes to with their problems and i help them fix them but it gets exhausting. everyone i ever loved is gone. peggy is dead, bucky's god knows where, my parents are gone, sam is gone, nat and i got into a fight and didn't talk for months, you were the only one i had and then you left. there have been days that i couldn't get up because everyone's problems including my own were weighing me down. when someone came to ask if i was awake i lied and said i had a migrane. that's why i sat alone in the dark all day. and they all believed it. and now that you're back, i'm just scared that you'll leave again. you're the only one i have left." he rambled, his voice trembling and cracking. "steve look at me. look me in the eyes." i said, pulling out of the hug. "i promise, i'll never leave again. i promise." i said, forcing a small smile.

he nodded with a slight chuckle, wiping his face dry with his hands. "i'm a little rusty, do you wanna come throw that giant metal frisbee at me for a while?" i asked. he nodded with a growing smile. "we could all use some target practice." he chuckled, getting his own set of training clothes together and calling the team to come join us.