lover | (chaesoo)

and i guess that she's alright if perfection is what you like

A year has passed since the first time I ever step foot in America.

I've gone back multiple times. Jisoo would take me out to tour me around the city every time I came over, we would rent a car so that we can drive to neighbouring states, and we've even dined at a lot of New York's popular social places.

Jisoo has gone back home a few times too. The first time she came home, I didn't even know about it. All I remember was someone knocking on our door one day and when I went to get it, I nearly suffered a cardiac arrest because I wasn't expecting someone to immediately trap me in a bear hug.

Still, it was nice. It felt nice that the first thing Jisoo did upon arriving back home was to see me, given the fact that she asked the cab driver to drop her off at my house, all her luggage in tow.

For some reason, and as delusional as this may sound, it felt like she was coming home to me. And it was a thought I found some sort of comfort in, that despite the fact that we've lived apart this long physically, Jisoo still chooses to come and see me first.

Not her family, not her other friends, just me.

It's a thought and a feeling I relish in.

-

It must have been my 4th time in America now, and I've given up on trying to surprise Jisoo because some way and somehow, she finds out about it before I even land in NYC.

"I'd tell you to not pick me up at the airport, but we both know you couldn't resist me," I told her while on Facetime, walking to my gate that would take me to her in a few hours.

"Of course," she laughed. "We'll have dinner together when you get here." I absentmindedly nodded at her as she said one other thing I didn't quite catch because the connection was pretty bad at the airport.

"Thank you, I'll see you in a bit," I said as I waved goodbye to her on the call. I watched as she waved back to me as well, a smile on her face I couldn't help but think suited her so perfectly well.

The past year has been a lot easier. I've gotten somewhat used to not having Jisoo around physically because she makes up for it with her constant calls and messages, which are things that have become highlights of my days. I feel like a little lovesick puppy, waiting on my phone every evening to tell Jisoo about my day: what made me happy, what frustrated me, and sometimes, plans I have for the weekend.

She always listens intently to my stories, something I appreciated even if I knew that all I ever did was drone on and on. She would laugh when she thinks something is funny, she would give me her opinions when I ask for it, and she would allow me to just talk as much as I want even if there have been times that she has been late to work because she just couldn't find it in her heart to tell me to stop.

I've had to set an alarm for myself and her on our calls so that she would stop being late to work.

Like what I said, the past year has been much easier. I've gotten used to the physical distance, but it doesn't lessen the ache in my heart every time we have to part again.

And while those are things that I've been able to manage, there has only been one other thing that has been really weighing me down: the fact that even after all this time, I have not told Jisoo that I was in love with her.

Each time I come to America, I come with the determination that this time will be when I tell Jisoo I love her. It could be while sitting across each other at a fancy restaurant selling overpriced pasta, it could be while we're having an evening stroll at a neighbourhood park, it could even be while we're sitting next to each other on her living room floor while watching another trashy reality show.