The break up effect

Chapter 12: Is there happy endings ?

Sheldon couldn't believe he was going to be in Leonard Nimoy's documentary. It seemed like the universe was letting him know that he didn't have to suffer anymore like it was only going up from here. This was the closest accomplishment he will have to meeting Leonard Nimoy and he was so excited. He was going to pay tribute to his hero.

The first person he wanted to tell when he got the news was Amy but then his heart sank when he realised he couldn't tell her. He couldn't share his happiness or sadness with her anymore and all the pain came to the surface again. No ! This was his day and he wasn't going to make it sad. This was his one chance to finally be happy again, he forgot what that felt like but when he remembered memories with Amy he could remember that feeling so vividly.

He would leave a voicemail to Amy and maybe that was the compromise he needed. He was so happy to tell her, he wished he could tell her to her face but this would do and he wished she could be here with him. It all hurt sometimes even if it has been months.

Adam and Wil came in and Adam set up the camera to start the 'spockumentary' as Sheldon liked to call it after hearing Leonard say it. Once he opened up the box with all his valuables to show the napkin inside ,he got a glimpse of the ring box inside, he could feel his heart shatter but ignored it and carried on.

He took the ring box out and he remembered the week where he couldn't stop having it on him like he was going to lose it and he was so excited to propose to Amy. All the pain and memories came back by just having the box back in his hand. He felt that feeling of hatred for himself again for not treating Amy better.

Not only did all the memories come flooding back but so did the feelings. It was overwhelming and it came from one little box. The comfort he felt carrying it but the sadness and pain he felt to like grief except it was silly to call it grief but he was saying goodbye to his pictured life. To the life he so desperately wanted with Amy. He wanted to have kids with her, oh what an amazing mother she would have made, Sheldon couldn't stop thinking to himself.

He explained in the documentary that he was going to propose to Amy but she broke up with him before he got the chance to. He tried to cover up the crack in his voice and the lump that was now forming made it harder to speak. He wanted to get the conversation over and done with but Penny went on and wouldn't stop ,Sheldon got frustrated because he knew it was because she cared but he wanted to just drop the topic completely.

"I'm Fine! " he basically screamed and the whole room went silent. He didn't mean to yell, he didn't mean to say any of those things. What was going on with him ? He couldn't control himself anymore. He eventually stopped staring at the ground and changed the topic as he packed up. He slipped the ring into his pocket while no one was looking and as he put everything pack they went on.

The documentary was going smoothly, Sheldon talked about how important Spock was in his life, the significance he brought on his life, how much Spock and Leonard Nimoy meant to him. Sheldon wished he didn't have feelings like Spock so when Penny brought up that he was still a human like everyone else and he still felt emotion so who was Sheldon kidding . Sheldon got furious because everything she was saying was true but he didn't want it to be true because if he could he would take everything he was feeling right now away.

He didn't want to feel any of this a second longer. He couldn't bare it anymore and Penny simply stating he is human to made him realise there was no possibility of ever 'turning this off'. He was going to feel like this for the rest of his life and all of it hurt him more that he couldn't stop yelling now.

He ran to his room and just laid on his bed. If you told him that he would be feeling like this and that his whole life feels like it is coming apart over some girl he wouldn't believe you. He would laugh in your face but this wasn't any girl this was Amy. The girl who he did countless of experiments with, the girl he had many debates with and the fire he felt debating with her was like nothing he has felt before, the amount of lectures she went with him to and the same girl who did everything with him even if she was interested only because she wanted to spend more time with him.