If I Was Dauntless Born

Chapter 20-Four Then, Four Now

All of the sudden, I stand at the top of a building. It is the same one I stood on when I jumped first on Choosing day. Suddenly, the building shoots up even higher than it was before, and the hole closes up. The wind is so strong that I have to lean against Four to stay upright. I look around. To me, the height is beautiful. I am surrounded by blue sky and puffy white clouds. I look at Four; he is NOT enjoying it.

“Oh, heights.” I say over the wind. I remember the look Four gave me after I climbed the Ferris wheel.

He nods.

“Okay, then we have to jump.” I say simply. He nods again.

“On three. One, two, three!” On three, I break into a sprint, dragging Four behind me. We jump off of the roof and plummet to the earth. Just before we hit the ground, the scene changes. I stand up and brush off my pants. I offer my hand to Four, and he gets up. “That wasn’t too bad. What’s next?” I say.

“It’s, um-“ Just then, something solid slams into my back and I hit my head on Four. “Confinement.” He finished quietly.

“Hey, it’s ok. Remember what you tell the initiates? To make the fear better, you have to make it worse. So let’s get smaller.” I say. I grab his arms and pull him into a crouching position. The ceiling follows us down. I turn and put my back against his chest.

“This is worse.” Four’s voice is strained. “This is definitely-“

“Shh. Arms around me.” I say. I guide his arms around my thin frame so he has more room. We sit for a few moments of silence. I can feel Four’s short, quick breaths on my neck. His heart rate was still flying. I take a slow, deep breath.

“Okay. We need to slow your heart rate down so we can move to the next obstacle. Here, put your hand on my heart. See how it’s slow?” I say, guiding his hand over my heart. “It’s fast.” Four says.

“Well, that’s not because of a box.” I say quietly, just realizing what I admitted. “When I breathe, you breathe.” I take a deep breath, envisioning each pocket of my lungs being filled with air. Then I let it out slowly. I feel Four doing the same, but his heart rate hasn’t slowed.

“Okay, let’s try something else. Why don’t you talk about it? Maybe that will help.” I say quietly.

“Alright. This fear comes from my amazing childhood. I was locked in the closet upstairs for hours as a punishment.” He says. My eyes widen. I’ve never been punished like that. Sometimes I would be deprived of Dauntless cake or some other activity, but I was never put in a closet. So I try to lighten the mood, “Uri and I used to hide from Zeke in the closet after we pranked him.”

 “Okay, this isn’t really helping.” Four says in a tight voice. I sigh.

“Alright, you ask me questions.”

Four smiles. “Why is your heart racing, Tris?”

“Um, well what do you think, Four? I’m jammed up in a box with you,” That’s not good enough, “an-and I barely know you.” I say a little irritably even though my cheeks are bright red.

“Would I be in your fear landscape?” Four asks again.

“I’m not scared of you.” I say simply because it’s true.

“That’s not what I meant.” He says. Then he laughs, and it’s like the laugh crumbled the walls. We stand up. I brush off my jeans even though I know there is nothing on them.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I say.

Four is about to answer when I see a woman with a gun standing in front of us. A table appears to the right of Four, and a gun with a single bullet is sitting there. The woman has a gun pointed at us, but she hasn’t shot at us yet. I look closer at her features. She wears white, so she doesn’t have a faction. Her features were plain, and if I walked out of the room now, I wouldn’t be able to remember what she looked like. But she wasn’t real.