To Be A Family: A Holby City Fan Fiction (Complete) (Kian & OC #2)

Chapter 20

Kian pressed his hands against the nursery window. His daughter was asleep. He had not left the window in almost an hour; he was restless. Every time he closed his eyes he saw himself holding his baby, cradling her in his arms, kissing her chubby cheek.
Every second was precious. Every second was a blessing, but every second felt like torture.

It always surprised him how newborns would sleep so soundly after the chaos of birth; shutting out the new world they had come into. She had a little rosebud mouth, pursing at the empty air. She looked so little and helpless. Kian was silently thankful that she was only a week early; not a sick tiny preemie in an incubator who had to fight for every breath. He watched her carefully. He wanted to wake her and talk to her, touch her, feel that small warm body. But he was afraid he might frighten her or make her cry again, so he didn't disturb her. The sun was setting. All she had to do was take a little nap, then wake up to a family who loved her with all their hearts.

"Hey, baby girl. You were so excited to meet us that you came a week early, huh? Your mummy's going to meet you soon. She's not feeling well, but when she's ready, she's going to hold you so tight. You've got so many other people who are waiting to meet you; Uncle Marty, Great Aunt Bibi, all of our friends." Kian tried to keep a tear from rolling down his cheek. His baby was strong and healthy, but how was Haley? How was she holding up? "Please don't make me wait any longer. I don't think I can be here without you."

Kian looked around the hall. It was silent. Everyone had left. He had stayed by the window, wanting to walk in and hold his daughter, but he held back; He wanted to be with Haley when so they could hold their baby together.
"You should sleep, baby girl." He said. "When mummy wakes up, she will be so happy to see you. She loves you so much."

Jac walked into the office she shared with Kian. The blood was still on the carpet and Nicky was trying to pick up her spilled files.
"McKendrick!" Jac barked, startling Nicky and making her drop the papers again. Going by the look on Nicky's face, Jac felt that something was wrong. Her voice softened. "How's Haley?"
"She had the baby, but started bleeding. They rushed her into theater. Last I heard Kian was in with the baby." Nicky said emotionally, thinking of her two friends and what was happening to them.
Nicky looked up, but Jac was already gone.

Kian was looking at the baby so intently that he didn't hear Jac walk up to him.
"Kian, is everything.....?"
He turned to face her, and looked at Jac a long time before hugging her.
"I came so close to losing Haley not that long ago. What would I do if I lost her forever?"
Jac broke the embrace and looked into his eyes.
"Stay strong for that baby." Jac said. Hoping to change the subject, she asked, "Which one is yours?"
Kian pointed, "The one in the middle, Baby Madani." Jac noticed the pink hat.
"A little girl? Haley must be thrilled. Why no name?"
"We were going to wait....She hasn't even held her yet." Kian said, his voice tight with emotion, his chest aching from holding back sobs. Jac's heart broke to see her friend so distraught.

Jac leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Kian and resting her chin on his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry."
"Thank you, Jac. Thank you for being here for me."
They stood in silence for several minutes, just taking comfort in each other's company.

"You'll be a wonderful father." Jac said. "I know you will. Take care of her."

Kian lost himself looking at his daughter's olive skin and shock of black hair.

"I love you, baby girl. I'm your daddy." The last word caught in his throat, and he said it again, not even feeling Jac put her arm around him. "I'm your daddy."

The tiny baby startled, and opened her eyes.
"See? She recognizes you." Jac said, looking at the baby.
Kian's phone rang, and he answered it when he saw it was from Sacha.
"Haley's fine. No permanent damage. She's still under, but we put her in the room you two booked."

"Oh, thank God." He said, exhaling. Quickly, he told the baby, "Mummy's okay, and going to be fine."
The baby's eyes searched his face. Kian smiled.
"Your mummy is going to love you forever and ever." He whispered. "You're ours. We love you."

Later in her room, Haley slept following her surgery. Kian spent the whole night at Haley's bedside, with the baby in her hospital cot beside him. It brought back the painful memories of being with Bea when she died, and when Haley overdosed, but now they were there for something happy. The baby mewled, and Kian stroked her small head with his strong fingers.
"Shhh, baby. Mummy's still asleep." He whispered. "But Daddy's here."

"That's a beautiful sound." Jac said from the doorway. She smiled and was glad her friend had a second chance at being happy. She encouraged him to hold the baby, to talk to her and bond with her. Kian took the baby in his arms and stared at her.
"She's terrifying." Kian said. "She's going to be tall, I can tell.
"I'll leave you alone," Jac said. "I can't wait to tell Emma." Kian watched his friend turn to leave.

Kian picked his daughter up gently, but awkwardly. He rocked her for a few moments, realizing how small she looked in his arms. Still, he rocked, the baby making a content sound. The baby quieted, and Kian put her back in the cot and laid his hand on her little ribs, feeling her heartbeat. He could feel her tiny fist wrapping around his finger.
With his free hand, he laced fingers with Haley, connecting them. Haley was asleep, and probably would through the night.
"I'm staying strong for my girls." Kian said to the empty air.
Tired beyond knowing, he reached out and turned off the light. He lay down, his heart gently beating back the tears in his eyes. He looked at the baby in the cot, her tiny face still in sleep, and felt true peace in his soul. Soul was a strong word for what he felt. True peace, real love.