Such Sweet Sorrow

Eighteen

Draco Malfoy

Why did it have to be her? 

Of all people. 

It had to be Eloise Waldorf. 

No matter how much I avoided her, told her I hated her, yelled at her, spit venom in her direction with words that used to make her crumble...she still looked at me with those eyes take completely took away my self control. 

I was like a man possessed when it came to her, and I had fallen right into her stupid little trap. There was no denying now that there was something more when it came to how I felt about the girl on the other side of the wall, because she caught me red handed. 

One second we were yelling, fighting again like always, and then the next, we were devouring each other in the middle of the fucking prefect bathroom. 

Why, why, why, why the fuck did it have to be her? 

It still pissed me off to no end that she was the only person in this castle that was just was un-alright as I was, even after I tried to prevent that. But it appears that I failed, yet again. 

Every time I looked at her, I was reminded of that. I was reminded of all of the failures that got me to the state that I was in now. 

I failed to protect my family. I failed to perform the only task I was given. I failed to have the guts to defy the dark wizard that branded me. I failed to do the one right thing I did during the entirety of the war, as it appears Eloise's mind is quite stubborn and able to break obliviation charms. Hell...I even failed to die. 

All because of her. 

When you hate someone, are you supposed to want to rip all of their clothes off? Are you supposed to want to kiss them all over and claim them and prevent anyone from touching them like you do ever again? Are you supposed to want to see them scream? Are you supposed to have dreams of them? Are you supposed to feel possessive over them? 

Are you supposed to want to fit your broken pieces together with theirs and see if something can be made of it? 

No. 

How could I be thinking this way? 

The heavy guilt on my conscious is something that she will never know about. It eats away at me every single day like a flesh-eating virus, chipping away at me more and more until I become a useless shell of a failure. 

It perplexed me. When I looked into her eyes I felt two conflicting sides of emotion, but when I was kissing her, both sides disintegrated into nothingness, and I felt alive for the first time in ages. 

She was both my trigger and my sedation. My detonator and my extinguisher. My downfall and my enlightenment. My destruction and my nirvana.

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Eloise Waldorf

I didn't see Draco for the rest of the weekend, which was normal, so I didn't think too much into it. I went about my weekend like I planned. I went to Hogsmeade with Ginny, got the sweets for Jackson, and actually finished the work I had been meaning to make up. 

Occasionally I would hear him and Theodore have a chat about class work, and sometimes stupid things like arguing about who ate the last of the cereal, even though they both knew it was Theo. 

It was Monday now, and I was exhausted after staying up late again the night before. I nearly fell asleep in Charms, and found myself struggling to keep my eyes open in Transfiguration. It was like I was in a daze, and all I could think about was how comfortable my bed probably was right now.